Time Heals Old Wounds
by Natfanfirst
Summary: John left Natlaie with a broken heart and she left to lick her wounds. She eventually married someone else and even had children. Now her husband is dead and she is back in Llanview and she must decide if it's worth the risk to put it all on the line for
1. Chapter 1

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**Chapter 1**

Seven Years from present time.

John walked into the church. As he got to the front he shook Dr Crosby's hand and nodded to Michael.

"Is Mom here yet?" John asked as he looked around the church to see guest after guest walk in.

"Yep. She's in the Back room," Michael told John as John smiled at Crosby. Crosby grinned and smiled at John.

" Been a long time coming Son but I guess its time" He told him and John just smirked deeper. It had been a lot time coming. John knew it. Crosby knew it. Hell the whole town knew it.

The priest joined them up in front and the three men were told to take their places. Told the wedding was about to begin.

The bride walked down the aisle and she was beautiful. Simply Stunning John thought as he saw her walk down by herself. She winked at him and he laughed as she turned her head towards the good Dr.

The priest began the ceremony. All was quiet as the sudden noise echoed thru the church. The noise of two boys giggling and everyone turned to look at them.

"Shhhhhhhhh...Boys" Natalie told her five and three year old boys as she came into the church. She ran into the church holding one in each hand and she looked up and noticed everyone looking at her.

"Excuse us... where running late as usual" Natalie said apologizing as her face got red with embarrassment and she guided the boys into a back pew.

John saw her walk in and he smiled at the sight of her adorable children. He hadn't seen her in over five years. She was just as beautiful... He was caught off guard when the priest asked a question and Michael gave him a nudge with his elbow.

"I'll repeat myself again," the priest said as John realized he lost his train of thought there for moment.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" The priest asked and together in unison John and Michael replies" we do."

John watched on as the rest of the ceremony continued. He glanced out to the guests a few times to look see her. She looked so damn good. Then again she always did. He remembered back those five years ago when he saw her last. How happy she was. She seemed.

Flash Back 

"John" Natalie said as she walked over to him.

"Hey" he said as he took the sight of her in. She was dressed like the rest of the bridesmaids. Just a lighter color pink of a dress. He wasn't sure why. Maybe because she was her sisters Maid of Honor or what ever it was called.

They just smiled at each other for a few minutes. It had been almost two years since Natalie had left Llanview. Two long years for John. He had been heartbroken when she left but... but he knew he gave her no other choice.

John was so happy to see her. He had dreamed about seeing her everyday for the last two years. He was about to open up his mouth and tell her when a man walked over. A man similar height. Lighter , much shorter hair. Crew cut style, Military style. Brown eyes. The Man walked right over to Natalie and placed her shawl he was carrying over around her arms. Natalie's eyes at first continued on John till she saw the man. Then they reverted to his Brown eyes.

"Thanks Honey" She told him and he smiled. Natalie smiled back at him and then turned to John.

"I'm sorry.. John this is my husband nick Ciprani" She told John and John had already had a suspicion this man was more than just a friend to her. "Nick this is John Mcbain an old friend" She said and the two men shook hands.

"Very nice to meet You John.. Natalie talks about you all the time. She says you were her hero for a long time. You've gotten her out of some messes she says," Nick said making conversation. John just watched the two of them. Natalie seemed happy with him. In love. He was just having a hard time wrapping his brain around the fact that she was with someone else. She was married to someone else.

"Nice to meet you to Nick" John told him and the awkwardness could be cut with a knife. The silence was loud and clear in the fact that the three were confused on what to say or do next. Natalie was about to speak when Nick spoke first.

"Natalie tell you our good news?" Jake asked John as he started to slowly smile.

"No" John said softly. Almost afraid to hear the news. The long pause by Nick caused him to be curious. Caused him to realize what it could be. He listened closely and almost prayed he wasn't going to say what he thought he would say.

"We're expecting our first child in five months" Nick told John. Natalie stood silent as she saw John's face go white and then he quickly recovered.

"Congratulations. That's wonderful news"

"Thank you, we're pretty excited about it ourselves," Nick said and Natalie just looked between the two men for a minute. Then she turned to Nick.

"Can you get me some water? I'm really pretty thirsty," She asked him and he said of course.

"Thanks babe" she said and her words almost hurt John but wasn't sure why but they hurt. Natalie turned to John when Nick was out of distance.

"John" she said as he started walking passed her. She followed him. He stopped walking for a second and turned to her. He grinned.

"So a baby Huh?" he said still smirking. She nodded her head yes. She smiled.

"You've always wanted one of those haven't you?" he asked her and again she nodded her head yes.

"I'm sorry John," she told him and he looked into her eyes." What do you have to be sorry about?" He told her and he knew. He knew what it was she was talking about. The thing that made them turn out like this. Separate and apart.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't able to have your baby all those years ago" Natalie told him and he just grinned weakly and ran his hands thru his hair.

"I hope you aren't still beating yourself up about losing our baby... it was along time ago." He told her not wanting to get into that time in there lives again. So he decided to change the subject.

"So... you're married Huh? Nick Ciprani Huh? He seems like a decent guy. Nice and all. How long have you been married?" John asked wanting to know. Needing to know.

"Three months. And Yeah... he's a great guy. I'm happy John." She said and he looked into her beautiful blue eyes. He studied them. She did seem to be happy.

"And I'm glad you are Natalie... Really glad. He's a lucky man your husband... a real lucky man"

End FB 

John came out of his thoughts as he heard the priest announce his mom and Dr Crosby husband and Wife. He watched as they walked down the aisle towards the back of the church to say hello to their guests as they left the church.

John stood by the alter for a few minutes as he watched Natalie go into the aisle with her tow little boys. He smiled at how cute she looked with them.

"John.. you need to go to the back of the church with your mom and Crosby" Marcie told him as she walked over to him and observed what he was watching. John still couldn't help take his eyes off of her. He watched as she went to his mom and hugged her. He watched them speak and he wondered where he husband was. Marcie spoke to him for a few more minutes as he came out of his thoughts. Not all the way out of them.

"I know Marcie, in a minute... "

"Too busy watching Natalie I see... some things never change" Marcie said with a small smile on her face.

John ignored her little comment and just asked what was on his mind.

"Where's her husband?" He asked and Marcie's face got serious. She even seemed confused for a few minutes.

"You don't know, do you?" Marcie asked but could tell John didn't know. John just stared at her for few minutes.

"He's dead. He was killed in the line of duty of some drug case he was working in Philly" Marcie told him and his face went pale for a minute. He didn't know if he wanted to cry for her, for her boys, or if he was almost happy about the fact that she was no longer married.

"How long?" he asked and Marcie told him.

"A little over three years ago... I can't believe you never heard about it. It was everywhere. On the news. The television. We even went to the wake. Wait... that's right... You were away when it happened... you and that girl... what was her name.. I can't remember but... you took a vacation with her... that's probably why you didn't know." Marcie told him and he looked at the two little boys standing quietly now an still holding their moms hands as she talked to Crosby. He studied them and wasn't sure of their ages.

"How old are her boys? They were pretty young weren't they?" He asked.

"Yeah well... the little one, Evan.. he wasn't even born yet. She was seven months pregnant with him when Jake was killed. And the Ethan... He must have been around two I guess."


	2. Chapter 2

ABC owns them

**Chapter 2**

Natalie walked into the wedding reception. Into The Palace hotel. Her two sons in Tow and she found her table seating. She was sat with her family and for that she was thankful. She and the boys walked towards the table and saw Roxy walk over to greet her.

"Hey... Sweet Cheeks" Roxy said and Natalie smiled. Ethan and Evan smiled also as they ran to Roxy and hugged her legs.

"Grandma Roxy" The boys screamed and Roxy made a face.

"You know kid" Roxy said looking and talking to Natalie "I told you I didn't want them calling me grandma...But... since I don't see them oh so often I think I can deal" she said and she walked over and kissed Nat's cheek. They stood for a few minutes speaking as Natalie saw Ethan pacing back and forth. Jumping up and down even.

"Ethan, Do you have to use the Bathroom?" Natalie asked and he nodded yes. She left Evan with Roxy for a few minutes and walked the boy to the bathroom.

John was walking thru the reception looking for her. For Natalie. He wanted to see her. To speak to her and to tell her how sorry he was about Nick. To see if she needed anything. To see if she needed him.

John continued to look for her as he saw her youngest boy. Evan he was pretty sure Marcie said his name was. He was with Roxy and he looked around to see the back of Natalie and her other boy heading towards the restrooms in the main Restaurant of the Palace.

"No!" Ethan said, as Natalie was about to walk him into the ladies room with her.

"Ethan... You have to come in the ladies room with me" Natalie told him and the boy shook his head.

"No Mommy... I'm big now... I can go in the men's room" Ethan told her still shaking his head no.

John stood back and observed for a few minutes as he heard Natalie speak gently to her son trying to explain things.

"Ethan Buddy... you have to come in with me, in the ladies room and you know why. This is the only bathroom and it's not only for the wedding reception but also for the dinning room. I'm not comfortable with you going in the men's room alone" Natalie told him as she leaned down to his face and spoke to him.

"No mommy... you're always saying what a big boy I am. I don't wanna go in the ladies room no more. I wanna go in the men's room," Ethan said being persistent.

John heard the boy's words and he chuckled inside for a minute. He was definitely Natalie's son. He was persistent and Independent. He walked towards them as he heard Natalie again speak to Ethan.

"Fine... Lets go get one of your uncles and they can take you in the men's room" She barely had the words out as she heard his voice from behind her.

"I can take him," John said as he approached her and her son. He saw her turn and watched her face as she looked at him. She seemed a bit confused, nervous.

Natalie heard his words and she looked at him. Stared into those blue eye's she hadn't seen in so long. After a few minutes Natalie noticed Ethan dancing around again, almost holding himself this time.

"I can take him... I don't mind" John told Natalie and then without Natalie's permission he turned to Ethan.

"Come on Buddy... I'll take you in the men's room" John said and the boy looked at him. Into his eyes. Then Ethan looked from John to his mom as if asking permission.

Natalie saw Ethan turn and look as if asking him. She nodded her head it was fine and the boy quickly walked into the men's room with John.

Natalie stood up against the wall. She closed her eyes briefly as she saw his face in her mind. His beautiful blue eyes. She hadn't seen him in over five years and yet he still looked exactly the same as when she did last. She was caught up in thoughts of him as she felt as if she was being stared at. She opened her eyes and there they were. Ethan and John both standing there staring at her.

"So did you wash?" She asked Ethan with a small smile. The boy smiled slightly "I always do Mommy" Ethan said and she took his hand. She turned to john briefly.

"Ethan... This is my friend John Mcbain," She told her boy knowing she didn't have time to introduce the two before.

"I know... he told me in the bathroom" Ethan told her and she laughed a bit. She leaned down to him.

"He did... did he?" she said and she poked him gently in the stomach. Ethan giggled softly.

John stood and watched as she spoke with her son. Her five year old. He couldn't keep the smile off his face. She was the mother she always wanted to be. She watched out for her boys and even seemed to laugh and giggle with them a bit. He heard Ethan tell Natalie he was going to walk to the table and see Evan and Grandma Roxy. He watched as the boy started to run thru the doors leading to the reception room. As soon as Ethan was thru those doors Natalie turned toward John.

"Thank you" She said and he smiled at her.

"No need to thank me," he told her and she stared into his eye's. They both felt the awkwardness. It was a good five minutes before Natalie spoke.

"You mom looked beautiful and Crosby isn't as bad of a guy as you originally thought huh?" She asked him and the tension seemed to be lifted. If only for a little while it was lifted.

"Yeah. She was a beautiful bride and well... well don't tell Crosby but as a step dad I could've ended up with worse" He said and he gave her a sexy grin. The same sexy grin she used to give him all the time and that she loved.

They continued to stare into each others eye's for a few minutes as John spoke this time.

"You're boys are really cute Nat... Beautiful even" He told her and she smiled graciously.

"Thank you, there a bit of a handful but...I love them... they're my life" she told him and he had already known that before she said the words. It was written all over her face. With each and every word she spoke to them He could tell.

"I can tell' he said softly as they continued to stare. Continued to talk with their eyes.

"I... I probably should get back in there before they tear the place apart. They certainly keep me on my toes." She said smiling and she started walking towards the doors when he stopped her with his hand.

John took his hand and stopped her gently from walking inside. She turned when she felt his touch.

"I'm really Sorry about your husband... I...I didn't know... I wasn't around...If I w--" John tried to finish his words but she cut him off.

"Thank you for your words John" She said sounding a bit like that was her generic Thank you when anyone would tell her how sorry they were for her. He watched as she then proceeded into the room. He too walked into the room, stood not far from her, and again just watched her be amazing with her boys.

Natalie walked over to her Boys who were Know with The Buchanan's. They were having some fun but instantly got bored when everyone either had to leave or went to dance on the dance floor.

John couldn't keep his eyes off her as she was with her family and her sons. He was now standing up against the back wall of the room when he saw his mom and Crosby...Jeff. Walk over to him.

"There you are Johnny" Eve said as she looked at his path of stares. She saw him staring towards Natalie's table and so did her new husband. Eve turned to Jeff slowly and winked at him.

"Why don't you dance with your mom? Come on Johnny you and I haven't danced since you were a little boy" Eve said as she pulled him onto the dance floor. John went reluctantly at first but then smiled. It was his mothers wedding day and he loved her. So he gave in and started to dance slowly with her on the dance floor.

Natalie sat just staring out to the dance floor. Everyone seemed to be having such a great time. Her boys were quiet but only for a few.

"Mommy...Can't we do something? Anything but sit?" Ethan asked and Natalie smiled. She noted how bored they looked and she smiled.

"Well... you can dance " she said and she gave them a smile.

"Do we have to?" Ethan said and made a face, as Evan seemed to enjoy the idea. Natalie ignored Ethan's comment and picked Evan up in her arms. Placed him on her hip and then she took Ethan's hand by her other and moved them towards the dance floor.

After a few seconds of dancing Ethan was laughing. Smiling. Both boys were having fun and Natalie also had a big smile on her face as she felt a hand on her back. She stopped moving the boys around the floor and looked to see Dr Crosby standing there.

" Can I cut in?' Crosby asked Ethan and then turned to Natalie and looked at Evan. Ethan shook his head yes and Evan was oblivious to what was even going on.

"Crosby..." Natalie said smiling at the Dr. " it's not a good idea. Everyone dancing... The boys can't stay by themselves." Natalie told him.

"Natalie... this is a room full of family... they can stay by the table alone for a few minutes while we dance. Right boys?" Dr Crosby asked the boys and they nodded. Natalie felt a Little like she was out numbered. She sighed. " Well I guess so then. Boys... be good" She said and the boys ran to the table. Crosby smiled and put out his hand for her to take and they started to dance.

"You look good Natalie. Eve and I are so glad you came today. The Boys too" He said as he saw her not taking her eye's off the boys at the table.

"I'm glad to be here. You and Eve... you both mean a lot to me. You've both helped me so much in the pasted that I wouldn't have missed it for the world." She told him and he smiled. Natalie hadn't even realized that he had moved them further on the dance floor and they were now not far from a dancing mother and son.

"So Johnny... I guess you saw Natalie and her boys?" Eve asked John as she noted how close Jeff and Natalie were now dancing.

"Yeah... I saw her, them. I can't believe no one told me her husband was dead. Not in three years did anyone tell me?" He said and Eve got a serious look on her face.

"Natalie asked us not to mention it to you."

"Why would she do that?" he asked and his mom looked at him.

"We told her that you were seeing Tracy pretty regularly and that you were away. I told her I was going to call you on Vacation and she made me swore not to. Said she had a happy life and had a loving husband. She wanted you to be happy and she knew you'd come back and probably ruin your chances at that."

"So you just never told me?" John asked softly and then he felt a bump on his back.

Natalie was watching the boys so intently and still trying to keep up the conversation with Dr. Crosby when they seem to bump into another couple on the dance floor.

"Oh, Excuse me" Crosby said as he stopped dancing to see who he had bumped.

John and Eve stopped dancing at the bump and looked to see her new husband and Natalie dancing.

"No excuse us," Eve said as she smiled and moved passed John. She winked at him and then walked over to Her new husband.

Natalie and John just stood there with there mouths open. Confused and shocked for a bit. John laughed as he saw his mother wink at him and knew it was a set up.

Eve took Jeff's hand and started to walk off the dance floor near Natalie's boys.

Natalie turned and faced John. John looked into her eyes and he smiled at her.

"We were set up weren't we?" Natalie said and John just nodded his head, He walked closer and was about to take her hand when she stopped him.

"I can't... I shouldn't... the boys are alone and they're getting tired" She said and he looked to her boys.

"I think they'll be fine" He said and she looked towards them to see Eve and Crosby now sitting with them and talking to them. Natalie turned to John wit his words.

"Can I have this dance?" John asked as he put his hand out again to take hers to dance. Natalie was still a bit hesitant. She looked at her boys for a few minutes and then back to John. She nodded her Head after a few minutes.

They danced in complete silence for a few minutes till Natalie spoke.

"Since when do you dance in public?" She asked and he gave her a smirk.

"Some things change over time." he told her and she looked into the baby blues of his.

"Lots of things change over time" Natalie chimed in getting a bit emotional. He just continued to stare into her face, her beautiful eyes.

"And strong things... they can stay the same forever" he told her and she wasn't quiet sure what he was getting at. She smiled after a few minutes and looked over to see that Eve had Evan asleep on her lap. And she saw that Ethan was looking pretty tired himself. She looked back at John for a minute.

"I think I have to go. My little guy is already asleep on your mom's lap and Ethan looks like he will be falling asleep too" she told him as she was almost mesmerized by his eyes.

"There Okay... just a few more minutes. Please?" John asked her and she was a bit confused. "Alright... a few more minutes that's it thou. I've gotta get my boys to bed its late fro them. " She told him and he smiled. " just a few more minutes. It feels good to have you in my arms" He said and she went white for a second. She dropped her hand.

"You know what... I better go now " She said and she walked towards the Boys. Natalie quickly said Thank you, and Good-bye to Eve and Dr. Crosby as she started to put Evan on her shoulder to carry him out.

John watched her walk away from him and he stood frozen for a few minutes. "Why did I open up my big mouth?" he asked himself out loud as he saw her start to pick up Evan and put him on her shoulder. The boy was big for her small frame shoulders and he was obviously tall for his age. John walked over to her as he saw his mom and Dr Crosby walk away.

"Hey... let me carry him for you?" John said as he put his arms out to take him from her. She moved her body passed him and shook her head.

"No thank you... we're fine. He's fine. " Natalie said as she took her purse and Ethan's sleepy hand in hers and started to walk passed John. John walked behind her.

"Natalie... let me just carry him for you... that way you don't hurt your back" He told her and she turned towards him.

"John... I do this all the time. All alone. Been doing it for three years alone. I've even carried the both of them at once. I can handle it." She said and she walked out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**ABC owns them**

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**Chapter ** **3**

John looked at Natalie's back as she carried one boy off and the other groggily walked holding her hand. He shook his head. Still the same Natalie he always loved. Still loved. She was still stubborn as hell. He thought as he decided not to let her get away with it. She may have to do everything alone without help in Philly but here in Llanview... he was here... her family too. She wouldn't be doing things alone while she was here. Maybe not alone ever again.

John caught up to her by the front door of the Restaurant as she was waiting for the valet to get her car. He didn't ask nor did he hesitate and he picked Ethan up in his arms and started to hold the very sleepy boy.

Natalie felt Ethan's hand be pulled out of hers. She turned quickly and saw John putting him on his shoulder. The boy seemed to be almost completely asleep as he leaned his head on John's strong shoulder.

John saw the look Natalie gave him. She was bit annoyed but he didn't hear rough words come from her mouth. Nothing at first actually and then he heard her toned down words.

"I don't need help John" she said a bit low cause of the sleeping children and they both heard the valet drive up with her car.

John started walking Ethan over to the passenger side that didn't have a car seat on it. He opened the door with his hand and looked at her as he placed the boy in the seat.

"I know you don't... but I'm here and I'm helping anyways," He told her as he buckled the boy in.

Natalie heard his words and saw him putting her son in her car. She stood frozen for a few minutes and then walked over to the other side of the car. She opened the door behind hers and put Evan in his car seat and then was about to get into her car door when she turned to him slightly.

"Thank You" she said as she got in the car and started to drive off.

John smiled as he heard her Thank you and then paid the Valet an extra twenty to get his car fast.

Within fifteen minutes John arrived at the Angel square hotel. He was unable to catch up to her with his car after she left but he had a feeling she was heading here for the night. He pulled into a parking spot just in time to see her trying so desperately to get both boys out of the car without waking them. He laughed when it looked like she was going to try and carry them both at once. He got out of his car and went over by her.

Natalie heard someone approach and she softly lowered her boys back down in the car. She brought her knee up as she felt his hand on her back. She turned quickly ready to knee him in the groin when she glanced at him midstream and was able to stop herself.

"Whoa!" John said loudly as he saw she was about to knee him in his jewels.

Natalie saw John and She shook her head. She caught her breath too. " Sorry... forgot I'm in Llanview not Philly" She said and he smirked a bit at what a close call that was. Natalie smiled too and then she proceeded to get one of the boys out of the car. She threw Evan on her shoulder and then moved out of the way so John could pick up Ethan.

John saw her move out of the way as if making room for him to help. He was a bit confused by it. He stood for a few minutes almost in shock as he heard her words.

"You gonna help or what?" She said a bit sarcastically and she smirked. He wasted no time leaning in the car door and pulling the still sleeping boy into his arms so he could carry him upstairs for her.

They came upon Natalie's room and She grabbed the key from her pocket. She opened the room and they walked into the room.

Natalie went over to the one bed in the back room off the small living area. She put Evan down in the middle of the queen size bed and she motioned for John to do the same with Ethan. John did and he noticed she started to take off his shoes. So he did the same with Evan. Then he stood back as she pulled the covers over them. He watched her lean down and kiss their small forehead.

"Sleep well " She told them and she turned to see him staring at her. She walked passed him as their eye's locked for a few minutes and she walked over to the couch in the other room

"Thank you" She said as she took a seat on the couch. She pulled a pillow to her body and held it tight to her. John heard her words and he sat down next to her on the couch. It felt comfortable he thought as he watched her start to fidget with her pillow. He thought about whether he should just leave or not. He decided to stay just a bit longer.

"You do everything by yourself in Philly don't you?" He asked her wanting to know a bit about her life there. How her life was and how she was coping taking care of two small boys all alone.

Natalie heard his question and she looked him in the eye. She stared into his eyes. He stared back.

"Mostly" She said softly and paused for a second." Nicks Dad helped for a little while till he moved away... But I manage... things are fine... Good actually" She told him and he didn't quite believe her.

"Why didn't you come back to Llanview? I mean... after... after he..." John said not wanting to get into things too much not wanting to upset her.

"My Home... My life was in Philly... Is in Philly... I own a Bar there now...did you know that?" She told him and then asked. She was starting to change the subject. She wanted to so desperately. She didn't want to discuss her dead Husband with him. Nick... she didn't want to discuss her life with Nick or his death.

John heard her start to change the subject and he understood why. So he didn't push her. He heard her say she owned a bar and he smiled.

"Do you have any pool tables at your bar?" He said smirking and she smirked back.

"Of course I do... Two to be exact." She said and the conversation was now light. It was starting to feel good. Feel like she was speaking with her friend again. Her best friend again.

"So what's it like? Your bar that is? Whats it called?" He asked her and she smiled. She was so proud of her bar.

"Red's... and its a lot like Rodi's just a bit more updated in looks. I love it. I bought it after Nick... was killed" She said and she could've killed herself for bringing the conversation full circle.

"So you aren't' working Forensics in Philly anymore than?"

"No, haven't since Ethan was born." She told him and he looked at her face. She seemed to be getting tired. She looked exhausted. He probably should've just got up and left then and there but he needed to know a bit more. Wanted to know a bit more.

"Why a bar? Why not go back to Forensics work?" He asked curious. She looked at him and then to the bed in the other room.

"For my boys" She said as she looked back into his eyes. " Forensics work would have me working all sorts of crazy hours. I bought the bar so I could make my own schedule and even bring them with me if I have too. There's a small apartment above the bar. If I have to close up or go in late we stay up there." She told him and he almost looked sadden by thinking of her boys sleeping in a room above a noisy bar.

"Natalie" he went to say something to the fact but she knew exactly what he was going to say and stopped him.

"I know what you're thinking John but its fine. Yes I know growing up in bars was sort of how I grew up but I never had a mother who cared about me and the boys... the room is sound proof. I have a sitter or Nick's dad use to stay with them till I closed up. " She said and took a break. He again was going to open up his mouth.

"And... That rarely happens anymore. I have a great set of managers," She said and then she yawned.

They stood silent for a few minutes. He stayed studying her eye's for a minute when he heard her speak.

"Your mom tells me that you finally moved out of this place and bought a condo or something," She said and John smiled. He couldn't help it. She must have asked his mom about him.

"Yeah, I did. A small condo not far from here." He told her and she looked at him serious like.

"And how's that girl you mom said you were getting serious with?" Natalie asked and John for the life of him couldn't even remember her name for a minute there. He was silent.

"We're not together any longer. It wasn't that serious" John told her trying to get away from this subject that made things awkward for them. Uncomfortable even.

"That's to bad cause any girl that can get you to take time off of work for a vacation must have meant something" She said and she felt a pang of something... jealously maybe? She thought.

John saw her face change some" No... It was nothing... Not serious and I couldn't give her what she wanted" He told her and they seem to be getting a bit closer on the couch. Not even realizing it they seem to be almost touching. John could feel her breath on his body almost and it was starting to drive him a bit crazy at the moment.

"What was it you couldn't give her?" Natalie asked and he moved even closer. He almost touched his lips to hers but he stopped frozen in front of them.

"Love... I couldn't love her." He said and he closed his eyes. He brushed his lips across hers gently but never actually kissed them.

Natalie's eyes were closed also. She heard his words and knew they had something to do with her. She felt his lips pass by hers and she had to hold a smile back, hold it inside. Then she heard Ethan talking in his sleep. She opened her eyes quickly. So did John as he felt her warmth leave her spot on the couch.

Natalie walked over to Ethan to find him starting to get up out of bed. He was still sleeping but starting to sleep walk.

'Is he sleeping or awake?" John asked and Natalie mouthed sleeping. John watched as she guided him back into the bed and the boy laid back down. Natalie looked up to John after she made sure Ethan was sleeping quietly again.

"It's late... you better go" She told him and started walking him to the door. He nodded in agreement and walked with her.

Just before he left thru the open door he turned to her. " How long are you in town for?" He asked and he also wondered why she was staying here instead of Llanfair with her family.

"No longer than a week but maybe sooner if I'm needed at the bar" She told him and he smiled. A week... he had a whole week.

"Thanks for all the help... deep down inside... inside the part of me that isn't very stubborn," she said and she laughed, " that part of me really appreciated it," she said and he laughed. He was about to walk out the door when he stopped and looked back at her.

"I'd like it if we could catch up on things... Like a friendly dinner or something... With the boys... I'd like to get to know them better" John told her and she smiled at how sweet he was but she knew better than to get her boys attached to any man. Especially John Mcbain. Especially since they were only going to be in town for a week.

"I don't think so John... I have a lot of family to visit while we're here' She said making an excuse and he knew it. She even knew he'd know it.

"That's ridiculous Natalie... just a dinner or a lunch the four of us as friends. It won't hurt anything. So Lunch or dinner... you pick," he told her not letting her get out of it.

"An early dinner? My boys are use to eating around 5. I like to keep them on schedule as much as possible" She told him and he smiled. " 5 it is... I'll pick you up here... all three of you" He told her and she was Leary but she smiled anyways.

Natalie nodded her head and was closing the door behind him when he turned and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Natalie froze as she looked at him. As they stared into each other's eyes. Finally after a few minutes John waved good-bye gently with his hand and he left.


	4. Chapter 4

**ABC owns them**

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**Chapter **** 4**

Natalie closed the door behind him as he left the room. She turned away from the door and touched the place on her cheek where he had just kissed her so gently. She closed her eyes briefly and then reopened them to walk inside to get in her Pajama's for the night. She changed and then got under the covers with her boys in the big bed.

She couldn't sleep at first and she knew why. She looked at Ethan and moved his dark brown hair from his face. She smiled and then she touched Evan's face with her hand. She closed her eyes as she thought about some of the raw deals had dealt her. All the heartache she had once felt.

Flash Back 

_"John... I wanna try and have another one. The Doctors say it helps to get over the one you lose by moving on from it and getting pregnant again. It's been three months. They say its safe now."_

_"No... I... No... I don't wanna have a child... a baby," JOhn told her and she looked at him thru glassy eye's._

_"John... I know you do... it may have been an accident when I got pregnant but... but you were happy about it... I could tell..." She told him trying to plead with him_

_"No... I wasn't happy... I'm not meant to have children in my life... people in my life" John told her and her eye's got more misty._

_"You're just afraid John... afraid it'll happen again... and I'm afraid too but... but I wanna try again. If not now then another time. I want children in my life. I'm not getting any younger. I've always thought by now I'd had a few too." She said and she saw him walk away. Distance himself from her. Not only with his body but also with his words._

_"I don't think this thing is working out for us... This isn't me. All of this. All this living with someone. Talking. Feeling. I think its best you move out," He told her cold and she knew why he did. But there was no talking to him._

_"I know why you're doing this John... why you're shutting down. Why you're pushing me away? Its cause you don't think you can give me what I want... you're too afraid to. But you don't have to be afraid John. I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere and I know if we tried ag---" Natalie was still talking when he walked over to her and roughly grabbed her arms._

_"I don't want it alright! Get it! Get your stuff and get out," He told her and she was too much of an emotional wreck to be angry._

_"You don't mean that John... none of it...You Love me... I know you do... I even heard you say it when you thought I was sleeping"_

_"You are delusional Natalie... I don't and I want you gone by the time I get back," John said as he walked out the door. _

End Flash Back 

Natalie opened up her eyes and looked again at her boys.

"It was worth it... all the heartache was worth it... You two are my life... Mine... more than I've ever had before and I love you more than I ever thought possible." She said as she snuggled down close to the boys and fell asleep.

John walked into his Condo. It was late. He had just left her and her sleeping children a few minutes ago. His mind couldn't help itself but wonder. Wonder the whole time in the car and again now as he got ready for bed. Wonder what if. What if She never lost the baby she was pregnant with Seven years ago? What if those were his boys she was most likely snuggling with right now? How would have life been different for her? For him?

John shook his head clear as he remembered when he found out she left town

Flash back 

_"Hugh... have you seen Natalie?" John asked and Hugh gave him a puzzled look._

_"John... you don't know?" Hugh asked _

_"Know what?" John asked getting an upset and anxious for Hugh to now answer the question._

_"Natalie quit last week when you were away on assignment. She's even transferred to Philly" Hugh told John and it was like a knife thru the heart. John walked into his office and slammed the door shut. He sat in his chair and held his face in his hands._

_He knew he was hurting her. Each and everyday. She had been trying to get thru t o him, everyday, every five minutes since he told her to get out of his apartment. But... But he just always thought she'd continue to try. Two months later of putting her heart on the line and he still thought she would be around and try._

_There was a knock on John's door and he pulled himself together enough to call for the person to come in._

_"JOhn... I just wanted to see I--" Dr Crosby cut off midstream when he took one look at John and turned. He closed John's door behind him and he went over and took a seat in front of him._

_"You've heard about Natalie?" He said then he noticed John got a bit misty eyed._

End Flash back 

John laid his head down on his pillow and started to drift to sleep. He thought about her beautiful boys. Her beautiful face. How Crosby had helped him with so much over the years but... but he never did help John to get over her. To get over Natalie and what he threw away. He helped him to realize what a jerk. What an ass he was but... but it was a long time coming and when it did happen. When John felt better about a lot of things. Realized what exactly he was afraid of and how to deal with it. By that time it was too late. She was already married and in Love. Happy and having another mans baby. He knew he couldn't ruin that for her.

John fell asleep remembering the feel of her breath on him tonight as they sat so close. The feel of her soft cheek as he kissed it. Just remembering how beautiful she looked and how wonderful of a mother she was to those two boys. It put him in a content deep sleep.

It was around Lunchtime when Natalie and the boys arrived at Llanfair for Lunch. They were going to be spending the afternoon here with her mom and Jess. Brenna too.

Brenna answered the door and they went in.

"Hey Aunt Natalie... Ethan. Evan... Mommy and Grandma's in the library" Eight-year-old Brenna told them and they all went inside for a visit.

"Honey..." Vicky said as she approached and greeted Natalie and then the boys. " My Gosh they have gotten so big since last time I saw them. And I don't mean last night" Vicky said and she laughed. After a little while of talking with the boys Jess asked Brenna to take them inside to play so the adults could talk some.

All three sat on the couch. Natalie looked at Jess and then back to her Mom.

"Okay, say what you want to say... try and convince me to come back to Llanview. Ask me why I didn't stay here with you guys now on this visit... go ahead... ask me... you know that's why you sent my boys in the other room" Natalie said smirking at knowing them so well.

"Natalie honey... we love you, we love the boys... we just want to be able to see you more, see them more, spend time with them and even get to help you out some" Vicky said as Jessica chimed in.

"That is if you were to let us help out with them," Jessica said and Natalie wasn't quite sure what she meant

"What exactly does t hat mean? If I was to let you help out with them," Natalie asked in a more serious tone now.

"Don't get upset Nat but... but since Nick died you wont let anyone help...help you or your boys. You have this mission to do it all yourself. And... And well its not healthy for you... for them even." Jessica told her and Natalie got a bit pissed.

"Jessica... you're trying to tell me something isn't healthy for my children" Natalie said getting defensive. Jessica looked at her. Still the same Natalie. Push her. She pushes back even harder.

"Nat... I didn't mean any harm by it and you know that... I love you. Them. I hate to think of you all alone there in Philadelphia doing everything alone. Being alone just the three of you when you have all of us here. Just think about it. Everyone loves you here... you could even go back into Forensics if you wanted to. You always loved that type of work and... And well Nick was always carrying on about how great you were at it." Jessica said and Natalie walked over to the window for a minute. She looked outside. Things were silent for a few minutes and Vicky excused herself when she got a phone call.

"I just don't know ... I just don't know if I can be in this town again. I holds a lot of bad memories for me and... And well to see certain people on a regular basis... not sure that's good for me mentally." Natalie said staring outside as Jess approached her.

"I know you mean John... but...the two of you are older... you have your life... he has his... you are still friends... you always were friends... can't use a few friends now in this stage of your life. After all you've been thru. After all your boys have been thru. Come home... be with us... let us be there for all of you" Jess told her as he wrapped her arms around her neck.

"I don't know" Natalie said and she closed her eye's with feeling her sister on her.

"Just think about it alright? We all Love you and Miss you" Jess told her and Natalie nodded her head.

Some time about 4 Natalie gathered the Boys and they were leaving Llanfair. They were at the door all saying good-bye when Nat let it slip.

"We understand you need you space so you wanted to stay at the hotel but... why can't you stay for dinner tonight?" Vicky asked and Natalie was so busy now tying one of Evan's shoes that she didn't realize but she told them about her dinner plans with John. It was no big deal but she knew if she had told them. They'd make more out of it than it was.

"The boys and I are having dinner with John at 5" Natalie said not realizing what she just gave away. She got up off the floor after trying Evan's shoes and looked up to see both Vicky and Jess smiling faces.

"Cut it out you two... if doesn't mean anything" Natalie told them as she kissed them goodbye and started to walk out with the boys. Vicky closed the door and then turned to Jess.

"It doesn't mean anything at all," She said and they laughed.


	5. Chapter 5

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**Chapter **5

Natalie and the boys made it up the stairs just in time to see John standing outside the door. He was leaning up against it and waiting as he saw them run over.

"Hey JOhn" Ethan said as he ran to him first. Then Evan ran to him. John leaned down to the two boys.

"Hey guys," he said and then he turned to Evan. " I don't think we were officially introduced yesterday, now were we?" John said in a bit of a soft friendly voice.

" This is John... he's a friend of Mommy's and he's nice... he took me in the Men's room yesterday so I didn't have to go in that awful flowery woman's bathroom. " Ethan told his younger brother and John smirked a bit and put out his hand for Evan to shake. The boy's small hand shook Johns.

Natalie rounded the corner to see him shaking hands with her baby. To hear him speaking so softly to her two boys. Her heart melted for a minute there as she just stood back and observed.

Evan shook johns hand and then he spoke quietly. " May... be you can take me in the men's room... when I have to go potty" Evan said and John laughed. He messed his hair a bit and said "Sure Buddy... no problem... no problem at all" John said still smiling an leaning down to Evan's eye level as Natalie was smiling and walked over. She looked over to John and he stood up straight. They made eye contact and then she looked at the lock on the door as she started to open the room up.

"You're early," She said not looking at him as she proceeded to walk inside the room. She held the door open for the boys and then he followed in thru it. He stopped right in front of her as he was walking passed.

"No actually you're late. It's after 5" He told her and she looked at her watch quickly. Damn! He was right. She thought. He walked in and she closed the door.

"I guess you're right" She said in a bit of a joking tone but almost hated the fact that he was acting smug about it. "Yep... I'm always right" John said smug as looked back at her. She just shook her head and ignored his comment.

"We'll be ready in ten minutes," She told him and he looked at the boys and even Natalie.

"You look ready now," He said and she gave him a glance." I have to wash the boys up and put on some make up," She said and he went over to the boys. He started walking towards the door with them.

"They're fine... I have a feeling you wash them up too much... there boys. And as for make up" he said and he looked directly into her eye's. " You don't need any... you look beautiful" He said and he saw her blush. He turned to the boys " doesn't she look beautiful boys?" He asked them and they nodded in agreement.

Natalie shook her head again. She even laughed. She almost felt like they were ganging up on her. She saw him walk out of the room holding hands with her boys again her heart turned to mush. She was frozen by it for a minute and then hurried on her way to catch up with them as they were already down the hall.

They arrived at Rodi's and took a table in the back. The four of them sat for a few minutes and talked. Laughed and smiled. It was a lot of fun Natalie thought as there food arrived. Natalie broke Evan's burger up for him and Ethan put on his own ketchup. He was having a hard time with getting the ketchup to come out when John showed him how to smack the side of the bottle to get it to move. John smiled at Natalie as the boy continued to smack the bottle thinking it was the best trick ever.

After a good hour of having fun John reached into his pocket of his jacket.

"I almost forgot... I brought these for you guys from the police station where I work... they're official Police officers in training badges" John said as he handed them to the boys. Ethan took his and turned to Natalie.

"Wow... its just like Daddy's. We've got daddy's on the mantle at home next to his picture. Look Mommy now I'm a cop like daddy and like JOhn" Ethan said and Natalie's smile was gone. She was serious for a few minutes and then she covered with a sad smile that john had seen quite a few times.

"That's great buddy... But I thought you wanted to be a fireman... not a police officer... I think fireman may be way cooler than a cop" Natalie told him and the boy just ignored her.

"Nope... I want to be a cop like daddy and now like John... it's cool," He said and Natalie closed her eyes briefly and then reopened them. She saw Evan holding out the kiddie badge for her to help him with.

"I can't get it " Evan said and Natalie took it from him and pinned it on him. She smiled at the boy's happy face and then turned to Ethan.

"Lets tell John Thank you, that was very nice of him" Natalie told him and both boys almost in Unisom said Thank you. The conversation continued for a few minutes the boys looked up to see their Aunt Jess, Uncle Nash and Brenna walk into the bar.

"Mommy...Mommy there's Brenna, aunt Jess and Uncle Nash can we go over and say hi please?" Ethan said and he was already out of his seat and half way over to them before Natalie even had a chance to look up and see them.

"Come on Evan' Ethan said and then Natalie laughed as she saw Evan run over with his brother still without permission from her. John looked over to see Jess smiling when the boys came over. He turned back to Natalie. He noted her grinning expression.

"They don't usually do that do they?" He asked and she got a curious look on her face.

"You mean do something before I tell them yes or no? Nope they don't usually do that but... but they haven't seen their Aunt and Uncle, or Brenna much over this last six months and I guess they miss them... Hell, I miss them too." Natalie said getting a bit emotional as they both saw Nash walk over to them.

"Hey Sweetheart how are you today?" Nash asked and Natalie laughed at the Sweetheart comment " you know you're about the only one who gets a way with calling me sweetheart" She told him and he laughed. " I know... I know" Nash said and he smiled wider at her.

"Whats up Nash... why'd Jess send you over here?" Natalie asked getting to the chase. " She... I...we wanted to know if we could keep the boys overnight... maybe have a camp out in the living room with them tonight." Nash said and Natalie barely gave him time to get the words out when she answered him.

"No... I don't think so... they were already off schedule last night. Two nights in a row... not a good thing" Natalie told him. John just sat and noted how it seemed to be torture for her to think about her boys being away from her.

"Natalie... its one night and they will have fun... let us... we want to spend time with them... a week isn't a long time for a visit and you could probably use a night to yourself" Nash told her and then he looked at John with that last part.

"Why did my sister send you over? Huh? She thinks it would be harder for me to say no to you then her?" She asked him and he stayed silent. " Come on Nat. They'd have a lot of fun" Nash told her one last time.

JOhn continued to see how hard this was for her. He leaned his hand over to hers on the table and placed it on top. Natalie's eye's followed his hand from on top of hers and she looked into his face.

"Let them... they'll enjoy it and it'll be good for them" John told her softly as he looked into her eyes. Natalie felt his hand on hers. His touch that had always sent shivers down her back was doing it again. She looked away from his eyes over to Nash's.

"Only if they want to" She said and she smiled at him. " They do... we already asked them" Nash said and Natalie shook her head. " Confident were you?" she said and he smiled. He shrugged his shoulders and started walking over towards everyone. " Send them over so I can say goodnight," Natalie told him and he nodded.

The boys ran over towards the table. Evan went on Nat's lap when she patted it for him to sit on.

"So you guys want to go camp out in Aunt jess and Uncle Nash' living room huh?" She asked them and they both nodded. " Okay... It does sound like fun... behave and take care of each other... no fighting or giving your Aunt and Uncle a hard time. I'll see you in the Morning" She said and then she leaned in and kissed Evan on the cheek, He automatically clung on to her neck and hugged her tight.

"I Love you Bud," She said and he released the hug. She leaned over to Ethan. He hugged her tight too. " I Love you E," She said and he smiled as she kissed his cheek too. "Now say goodnight to JOhn and thank him for Dinner" She told them and they both got off of her and went over to John.

"Thank you" Ethan said and he stood there as Evan went in and Hugged John. " Night John... next time you can take me to the Men's room" Evan said and Natalie almost laughed in between feeling like she was going to cry.

"Next time Pal... Next time... have a good time " John told them and they both went over to Jess and Nash.

Natalie watched as They all left the bar and she was still very much misty. John reached over to her hand once again.

"This is your first time being apart from them? Isn't it?" he asked her " the first time overnight" She said and she smiled weakly. JOhn smiled inside. She was such a wonderful mother. She cared so much for her children. He continued to watch her for a few minutes as she was so silent and then he smiled.

"Come on" he said as he stood and pulled her up. They walked to the pool table.

"Let me cheer you up... I'll even let you win " he told her and she laughed. She grabbed a stick.

"There won't be any letting me win cause I'm even better than I was all those years ago." She told him and he started racking the balls. He removed the rack and he nodded his head towards her.

"Prove it," he said and she didn't hesitate. She broke and then wiped his ass with the first game. He didn't even get a chance to shoot.

" I think you cheated," He said as he racked the balls again for the second game. He looked at her and smiled with her next words.

"I don't need to cheat babe... I've got skill," She said and he laughed at her cocky attitude.

"You sure are confident around a pool table" he said and she nodded in agreement " yep... I sure am," She told him and they played another game, her beating him again. The next game however Natalie let John go first and he was on a bit of a roll when he decided to start asking her a few things on his mind.

He walked around the table checking for the best angle as he just went for it. Asked her a question. The same question as yesterday.

"What was the real reason you didn't come back to Llanview after you husband died?" He asked knowing last night when she gave him the answer about her life being there. Knowing there was more that she wasn't saying.

Natalie heard his question. She looked at him. Should she just be honest with him. At this point in time she could be. She didn't have to necessary hide it. Hide the fact that it would've hurt her to bad. She decided to be honest with him. But first... first she would make a deal.

"If I answer honest... then I expect you to answer honest when I ask you something... no beating around the bush...no avoiding the question... deal?" She asked and he said the word Deal. Natalie shook her head.

"I felt it would be to hard for me to come back. To see you," she said and he looked up from the pool table and into her eye's." Too hard to see you everyday and being happy with someone else maybe even starting a life with that someone"

"But things weren't serious between that girl and me not then Natalie, not ever" He told her still not completely getting what she was getting at.

"They were serious enough for you to go away with her... that was something you never would have done with me... for me..." Natalie said and he came a bit closer. She put her hand out to him. In front of him so he didn't come any closer.

"I was miserable. My husband just died and I was Seven months pregnant with my second child. I had a toddler and a house. And a pile of bills. I couldn't come back here and see what I had lost. See someone else have it. " She said and she paused for a few seconds " I wanted you to be happy... deep down inside I did. I was happy with my husband... I wanted you to find that too... but... I just wasn't at a place mentally where I could sit and have a front row seat seeing you with someone else and having a life. It would've made me bitter and I couldn't afford to be bitter. Not with having to take care of a baby and a two year old," She told him and she shook her head clear of that stuff. Of all that misery.

John heard her words. They almost sounded like she had still loved him then. Even when her husband was alive too. He didn't push and he took his shoot and missed it.

Natalie started to set up her shot and she looked up from the table with her question.

"Why did you end things with us? What was the real reason you didn't want to try again for a baby?" She asked and he went white. Pale as a ghost.


	6. Chapter 6

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**Chapter ****6**

John was still standing frozen when she made her shot and moved around the pool table to line up another one.

"I... I was afraid... it was just like what you said... you were right... I..." he said and took a slight pause but then continued. " I was happy about you being accidentally pregnant... really happy... I thought my life was turning around. It excited me to know end... I even got you a ring was going to ask you to marry me but then... then it was over and just like that" he said and she got a bit confused and even mad for a minute.

"But we could've tried again. I wanted too. I went thru all that pain too but you just shoved me and what we shared out the door. You turned down everything I tried. Every time I tried to get you to move passed it. You just shot me down time and time again. Until I just couldn't take it anymore" She told him and he knew all that. He moved closer to her. He stood in front of her.

"Natalie... if we had tried again... and it not happen... it end up like the first time or God Forbid I lost you in the process... I wasn't strong enough to handle that. I couldn't have handled it." He said and he paused. He looked her straight in the eyes. " I just thought it was best for you to move on with your life without me... I was an emotional cripple. I wouldn't have been ready for a baby in that state I was in... I didn't think I'd ever be ready emotionally to be a father... I couldn't even tell you I Loved you to your face... how was I suppose to give a baby what it needed" He told her and she got a bit mad again

"But you were going to try when you found out I got accidentally pregnant. What was so different with that?" She asked him.

"I had no choice in the matter. It was already done and I figured if God wanted it that way it was for a reason but... but then you lost the baby and well... I thought that was some sort of sign from God saying it wasn't right... I didn't want to press our luck... my luck..." He told her and he took his hand and touched her face with it. They continued to look into each other's eyes.

"We John... Not I... We Lost a baby... it was yours too" She said and he nodded in agreement. He couldn't resist any longer. He reached in with his lips and said something before he took a long awaited kiss.

"I Loved you Natalie... from the first day I laid eye's on you" He told her and he kissed her slowly and for only a few minutes. He still had his hand on her face as there lips parted. They stared into each other's eyes.

"I can't give you anything more than friendship now john" She told him and he opened his closed eye's. " I know... I'm not asking for anything more... I just missed our friendship," He told her and he leaned in gently again and gave her another slow sweet kiss.

After the kiss they resumed there pool game for a bit longer and then Natalie noticed the time.

"Its late. Can you take me home" She said making a blunder with her wording or was it her subconscious talking

"Home or to the Hotel?" he asked realizing that still all these years later. That her mind still automatically considered the Hotel Home.

"You know what I mean," she said as she gathered her stuff.

They arrived twenty minutes later at her door. She opened the door. She turned to him for a second as she heard him ask.

"Tomorrow is suppose to be a nice day out... I have it off. How about I take you and the boys to the park for a picnic?" He asked and she smiled briefly. " A picnic Huh? So doesn't seem your style" She said smiling at him. "Well... maybe I'm trying to change my style" he told her smiling back.

Natalie knew she probably shouldn't but he was her friend. For a long time in her life he was her best friend and she enjoyed his company. The boys seem to take to him and well... she hadn't been on a picnic in a long time.

"Alright" She said with a hesitant smirk that formed on her face. " See ya tomorrow" She said as she looked into the Room. Into the empty room.

John saw her look into the room. She seemed frozen. Like she didn't want to go into it. Then he realized it. She was so use to always having some one around when she slept. Taking care of someone. She must have been unsure how to get along alone.

Natalie was dreading staying alone. She hadn't been completely alone in over five years. She heard him clear his throat and she looked at him.

"Do you think I can come in for a few minutes and have some water... my throat is dry," He asked and she smiled knowing what he was doing. " Sure" She said and they walked into the room. She went to get him some water when she saw him sit on the couch. She handed him the water and she sat next to him. She crossed her legs under her and she smiled at him.

"You wanna watch some television... maybe I can find one of those action movies you like so much on" She asked and he grinned.

"Sounds good," he said and they settled in for a while and watched Television.

Natalie was feeling Sleepy and started to doze off as she without thinking snuggled her very tired body up against his. His arm automatically went around her and he held her to him as he felt her fall asleep. He closed his eyes and knew he hadn't felt a better feeling in the past seven years. He sighed deeply as he ran his hand up and down her back slowly. Softly. He even touched her beautiful soft hair. He sighed deeply again and drifted off to sleep himself


	7. Chapter 7

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**Chapter **** 7**

Natalie woke the next day in her bed. She sat up and noticed she was fully clothed and she shook her head. Last thing she remembered was snuggling up against his shoulder as they watched television on the couch. How did I get to the bed? She asked herself as she looked to the chair in the room. She smiled as she saw him sound asleep sitting in it.

Natalie sighed as she laid her body back down on the bed. She turned on her side facing him in the chair. She looked over his sleeping face. He always looked so peaceful when he slept. So Content. Not haunted. Although she realized the last two days when she saw him. He didn't seem haunted like he once was. Like he always was. He seemed different. He was different yet the same. She shook her head, as that seemed ridiculous. How could someone be different yet the same at the same time? She asked herself. But he just seemed to be.

Natalie looked over to the clock that sat on the table and she saw the time. It was almost 8 and she wondered if her boys were up yet. If they had a good night without her. If they had fun. Fun... she thought... She smiled and looked back at John. She had so much fun with him last night. Like old times when they were friends. She got out of bed with a smile on her face. A smile she knew was the first one in along time. The first smile in a long time brought on by anyone other then her boys.

Natalie walked towards the bathroom, She stopped briefly by him and gently skimmed her hands over his hair. She sighed at the slight feel of it and went into the bathroom to shower.

John woke as he heard the Bathroom door Shut. He started to move around and grabbed a piece of paper off the nightstand. He grabbed a pen and left her a note as he walked out the door and left the room.

Natalie came out of the bathroom Showered and ready for her day. She looked over to the chair and instead of him being there, there was a piece of paper.

N--

Get the boys and meet me at the park. By the swings at 11

J--

Natalie got dressed and headed towards Jess' to pick up her boys.

Around 11 Natalie arrived at the park with the boys in tow. They walked over towards the swings.

"Where are we going Mommy?" Ethan asked as they walked. " Over by the swings... We're gonna have a picnic with my friend John" Natalie told Ethan and she barely had the words out when she saw him. Ethan Saw John and ran over towards him, followed closely behind by Evan.

John stood up from a big blanket he had laid out on the grass. He saw her and her boys walking towards him and then the boys ran to him. They grabbed on to one leg each and John smiled wide. They had to be the cutest kids he had ever seen. He was taking to them so fast. So easily. It was almost as if he had some sort of connection with her boys. Sort of the same connection He and her had.

"Hey guys. How are you today?" JOhn asked and Evan held on tighter as JOhn started moving his foot with him on it.

"Me fine JOhn" Evan said Laughing a bit as John now walked with both boys on his feet.

"And how are you Ethan?" John asked but before Ethan answered Natalie chimed in.

"E...he likes to be called E" She told JOhn as she looked at him. He looked up from the boys on his legs to her face and deep into her eye's.

"E then... How are you today E? Did you have a good time with your aunt and uncle?" John asked, as he broke free of her eyes. He looked down to Ethan.

"I had a good time... Didn't like being away from mommy thou... Hey... maybe next time you and mommy can camp out with us. Maybe tonight" Ethan told John and John didn't know what to tell the kid. He wanted to tell him yes but... but he knew it wasn't his decision to make. He looked over to Natalie after a few minutes and saw her face. She seemed confused and didn't say a word as Ethan asked again.

"Please? Can we?" Ethan asked looking at John and John noted his persistence to his mom again. " I don't mind buddy... its up to your mom" John said as he looked at her.

Natalie shook her head as he passed the decision to her. Well it was hers but she started to feel like her boys were attached enough to JOhn. In two shortest days they were already attached to him and that wasn't a good thing since they would be going home to Philly in 4 more days. Natalie knew the more time she let the boys spend with John the harder and harder it would be for them to leave.

"Mom please? Please?" Ethan begged her as Evan even chimed in "Please... pretty please?" Evan said and Natalie wanted to say no. She knew it was best for them but she just couldn't. She'd let them have today's picnic and tonight's camping out and then she would have to stop letting them be around John. For there benefit and she was now thinking for her own benefit also.

Natalie looked at her boys who were now batting their eyes at her. Giving her puppy dog looks when she looked over to see John smiling and even laughing.

"Please Mommy? Please?" JOhn said repeating the boy's words and giving her a pout himself. Natalie shook her head at how playful he was.

"Well... she said as she went near the boys. The answer is yes... if... and only if you two can catch me," She said and she ran away from all of them over by some trees.

The boys ran after her trying to catch her and she was laughing. JOhn watched how playful she was with them. How happy they seem to make her and how happy she made them. She was amazing. He shook his head as he heard Evan call him.

"Come elp John" Evan told him and JOhn too ran towards the trees. He took Evan and picked him up on his shoulders and started to help Ethan get Natalie behind the trees.

Natalie was out of Ethan's reach when JOhn carrying Evan on his back grabbed her by the waist with his one hand that wasn't helping to hold Evan in place on his back.

"I got her," JOhn said and he smirked at her. Natalie just gave him a pouting look.

"No fair... you guys cheat. There's three of you to one of me," Natalie said and Ethan shook his head.

"Its all fair mom... there's no rules... remember...that's what you always say" Ethan told her and she gave him a smirk. She gave them a smirk. She tried to wiggle out of the grip the both John and Ethan had on her now and then she just stopped.

"Alright... Alright... I give," She said not looking so happy and then she smiled. " I guess we're camping out tonight," She said and Ethan jumped up for a second. "Yay! Can we go play on the swings now?" He asked and JOhn put Evan down off his back. Natalie shook her head yes and the boys ran over to the swings.

"They certainly keep you on your toes don't they? And they have you wrapped around their little fingers too" He told her as they walked over to his blanket over closer to the playground.

"Since the day they were born." She said as she sat on the blanket and he did too. She watched on as Ethan pushed Evan on the swing for a few minutes to get him started and then hopped on one himself.

"You know... if you really don't want to do this camping out thing... I could just do it with them. You could have a night off." John told her and she looked at him. At his sincere eye's.

"That's nice of you but no I don't mind it. But ... you do understand they mean pretend camping out... like at Jess' in the Living room or something?" She asked and he nodded Yes. " Good... now... not sure where to do it... The hotel room isn't big enough for a tent...Maybe the carriage house or... m--"

"My place is big enough... we can just do it there" JOhn told her and she looked at him. She wondered what his place looked like. She was a bit leery about it.

"I don't know...maybe that's not such a g--" She was saying as he again cut off her words.

"It's a fine idea and they'll enjoy it... Hell... I'd enjoy it. They seem to liven me up when they're around. I just don't have a tent... we can stop later at the sporting goods store before dinner and pick one up." He told her nonchalantly and started to open the cooler he had on the side of the blanket.

"What do you mean we can and before Dinner?' She said a bit confused. Did he just assume they'd all be spending the entire day together?

"Just figured... I have all three of you to myself today. All day" He said and he smiled at her as he passed her a bottle of water. She smirked at his confidence. So unlike him. One of those things that changed.

"You did, did You?" She said and he smiled back. He looked into her eyes a bit deeper. " Yeah, I did and I thought maybe I'd even cook for you...and the boys" She said and she smirked and even laughed deeply.

"You cook now too?" She asked and he laughed " Okay... Okay... I don't cook but we can order Pizza" He said and she smiled. She was being sucked back into him. They stared for a few minutes as she felt him inching closer to her. He brought his lips near hers and was about to kiss her. To taste her again. To feel her when she reluctantly put her hand in between their mouths.

"No john" she said softly as she shook her head no. " Friendship only remember...and my boys...never in front of my boys" She told him sort of confusing him with her words. First she said Friendship and then she added about not kissing in front of her boys. Did that mean it was alright to kiss her not in front of them? He asked himself and then he just asked her

"Does that mean I can kiss you in front of your boys?" He asked her as he studied her eyes. As he saw her get flushed from the closeness and then they both heard her cell phone ring. She never broke eye contact as she pulled the phone out and held it to her ear.

"Hello" she said as she looked into those baby blues of his.

John was smiling at how in tense their stares were. Just like they use to be. How much was spoken with their eyes. Then he saw her look away from him. She got up and walked away slightly as he heard her words.

"Yes... This is Natalie Ciprani"


	8. Chapter 8

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**Chapter 8**

John saw her walk away as he heard her name. Natalie Ciprani. He had never called her that, He had never thought of her as that being her name. Hearing her say her name for the past five years got to him for a minute. He remembered how much she was in love with her dead husband. How much it had hurt all those years ago to think of her loving and being in Love with someone else. How he had wanted that for her. Everything she got. He had wanted it all for her, a loving husband to give her what she needed. A baby... a family, a home. All the things he felt at the time he couldn't be nor give her.

John watched as she paced around as she spoke on the phone. He looked passed her briefly to the two handsome boys on the swings. They weren't his boys. They were Natalie Ciprani's and he husband. They should've been his boys. Her name should've been different. He should have been strong enough back then. He should have been man enough to give her those things she needed and deserved back then but he wasn't. He shook off his pity for himself back then. He had come along way since 7 yrs ago. With the help of family and friends.

"I'll be strong enough this time Natalie, Strong enough to be what I should've been to you back then... maybe even your boys" John said out loud softly. He saw her turn back towards him and her happy face from earlier was a bit tarnished. The Phone call was obviously some type of Bad news.

"Whats wrong?" He asked and she sat next to him on the blanket again. She didn't speak at first. She just held the phone in her hand and stared at it for a long time contemplating whether she should. Should even open up the discussion of the subject. And she knew it would be a discussion. He would want to know everything. All of it and that most likely included how she came about Loving and Marrying Nick.

"It was the DA in Philly. He wanted to personally tell me that after three long years Narcotics finally got the Drug lord who had a hand in killing Nick" she said and a tear fell from her eye. It was a feeling of closure in a sense that they got him but...but it still felt unsettled. Her life still felt unsettled.

John moved closer to her on the blanket. He placed his hand on top of hers that was still holding her phone. Her eye's reverted back to looking at the phone in her hand and now his hand. She followed his arm up with her eyes and looked into his eye's.

"Maybe it would help to talk about it. Give you some sort of help with Closure," He told her and she couldn't help but let out a laugh, a snort too.

"Don't tell me the New and Improved John Mcbain talks about stuff... Believes in talking about stuff and Closure?" She said still laughing a bit. She was trying to lighten the mood a bit but it wasn't working.

"Natalie..." was all he said as she just started to get up off the blanket. She walked closer to the boys on the swings and she just stared into space. John approached her. He stood next to her staring towards her boys.

She felt his presence next to her. She never looked towards him and she just opened up. Her mouth and a few things she held inside for so long. She knew he probably wasn't the person to even speak to about this. But... But he was still the only one who ever got thru to her. He was her friend. Her very best friend before everything else.

"You know we only got married cause I got pregnant...I mean... he wanted to marry me... he was happy but I did at one point think I only married him cause I was carrying his child. You didn't know that did you? I suck at Birth Control" She told him and then almost laughed at her last statement. After a few minutes she started to speak again.

"He and I both knew getting into things... marriage and having Ethan that He wasn't the love of my life... wasn't my soul mate but... he loved me... and I loved him. Different thou... different than how I've loved before" She said and she turned to him for a minute. She looked into his eyes. He had no doubt whom she was talking about when she said The Love of her life... Soul Mate. Natalie turned back towards watching Ethan and Evan. She only paused briefly before she started again.

"He was so good to me. He treated me better than anyone ever did. Everything was about me and then when Ethan came along... it was about us..." She said taking a small pause. " I use to feel so guilty sometimes... at first... that I couldn't and I didn't love him the same... with my whole heart but..." She said and she smiled. She shook her head. " He said what I gave him was enough. That I loved him enough and he wouldn't trade it for anything" she turned and went back over to the blanket. She sat. John followed and he too sat.

"We planned Evan... I wanted to give him that. He had given me so much and loved me so much. I had a good life with him... a really happy life" She told him and she teared up a bit. " He was a good man... a really good man" she said and she saw the boys start to run back towards the blanket. She quickly wiped away her stray tears on her face.

Evan ran over and threw himself on top of her lap and she smiled at him. Kissed the top of his head.

"Let me guess? Hmmmm...you guys wouldn't be hungry by chance would you?" She said smiling knowing they were always hungry. They were growing boys.

"Yep" Evan said and he smiled up towards her face. " Well then... I wonder what John brought to this picnic for us to eat," She said and the three of them looked over to JOhn.

"Was I suppose to bring food for this thing?" he said kidding but the boys thought he was serious. He saw there faces and he smiled at them. He brought a cooler over closer and opened it up.

"Now would I invite you guys to a picnic lunch and not have any food?" He said and he saw Natalie begin to open her mouth. " Don't answer that," He said short and kidding. She laughed. JOhn handed out some sandwiches to the boys and they began to eat.

Almost two hours later the boys were running around the park and Nat was helping john to clean up the messy Picnic blanket.

"They sure do make a mess when they eat don't they?" He asked and she smiled " Don't tell me you and Michael never any mess', none" She said and he smirked" well... maybe a few...that I can remember" he said giving her his sexy grin that she loved so much. Natalie laughed and they continued to get their things together.

"Boys" Natalie yelled out to them on the playground, as they were ready to go. " Time to go" She said and they reluctantly ran over towards her and John.

"Do we have to go? We're still having fun," Ethan told her and she nodded yes.

"Yes... Evan needs a nap and I need to get stuff together for our big camp out in John's living room tonight... oh... and I think We need to go buy or borrow Uncle Nash's tent." Natalie told them. The boys just sighed a bit disappointed and then John spoke.

"How about... I take the two of you to go pick out a tent and your mom can go get the stuff together." John said not asking Natalie first. Natalie made a face when she heard Ethan get excited about the idea. Evan however was in desperate need of his nap.

"John... next time ask me first alright" She said to him as she took him a side so the boys didn't here her." yes. Mommy" John said a bit sarcastically. And then he laughed. " John its not funny" She told him and he knew it wasn't. They were her kids, she called the shots. He knew he really should've asked her first if it would be alright. " I know... I'm sorry... I'm just a bit excited to be camping out with all of you," He said a bit loudly. Smiling and he walked away from her. She shook her head. How could she be made at that? At a man wanting to spend time with her children.

"So... Can we... can I go with John for the tent. Please?" Ethan asked, " I promise to be good," He said and she smiled at him. " Okay... just you unless Evan's upset... Its nap time" She said and she looked over to Evan who just looked so exhausted. He gave her no trouble. John grabbed him and threw him on his back again and carried him over to the car.

"Its just you and me big guy" Natalie could hear John say to Ethan as she got into her car to take Evan back to the Hotel. Natalie smiled at his words. At how good he was with Ethan. She sighed deeply. This was going to be hard. Harder than she thought. Everyone was so attached already. Even she was attached again to John being there for her. Being her friend.


	9. Chapter 9

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**Chapter **** 9**

Sometime around 6 Natalie arrived at John's condo. She had been in touch with him several times earlier to make sure Ethan was alright and he told her to come around 6. That they would order Pizza and then do this faux camping thing.

Natalie rang the doorbell and Ethan answered the door. Natalie had a perplexed look on her face.

"Ethan... you know you're not allowed to answer the door at home. You shouldn't be answering John's door either" Natalie told him as she and Evan walked in. JOhn came walking over towards her as he heard her reprimanding the child.

"I knew it was you... I told him to open it," He told her and he saw her tense face soften a bit. Just a bit. Evan ran into the room and ran into the very large tent with Ethan. JOhn looked over at Natalie who was still a bit tense.

"Relax Natalie... relax... not sure what you're use to in Philly but... its safe here... remember Llanview... other than kidnapping serial killers its safe" he said and he smiled to break the ice. She didn't however break so fast. " Why are you so paranoid?" He asked her and she started to almost get offended. She walked away from him for a minute.

"Paranoid? I'm a mother John. Its my job to be a bit paranoid and over protective" she told him and he looked at her.

"I didn't say over protective...you did," He said and she stared into his eyes. She was being a bit stubborn and he could see it in her eyes. " Natalie" he said and she walked passed him.

"They're all I have JOhn...now excuse me as this paranoid mother checks out this very large tent," She said and she went into the tent with the boys. John just shook his head for a minute. He heard her words and wanted to tell her. He wanted her to again feel like she had him. Had him too. With every minute that he spent with her and her boys today, last night. He so desperately wanted to tell her, them, that they had him. That they could rely on him.

"I'm ordering the pizza. What does everyone want on it?" John called out as Ethan came out of the tent first. " Pepperoni" he said and then Evan came out of the tent " nothing" he said and John laughed. Then a second later Natalie came out of the tent. She was about to say something but he said it for her " Meatball" He said remembering her favorite topping. She smiled at him Bright. "Yep" She said and then she sat on the nearby couch with the boys.

After dinner Natalie got the boys ready for bed. For camping out... and then it was her turn.

"Use my bathroom off the bedroom'" John told her and she nodded her head. He pointed her in the right direction as he continued to get the sleeping bags all set for the boys.

Natalie walked into his bathroom got on her pink striped flannel night pants and her pink tee shirt. She put her hair up in a ponytail and walked with her clothes in her hand into his bedroom. She stopped for a few seconds and looked around his room. It was nice she thought. Different, Much different than what his room use to look like in the Hotel. There were a few pictures around. One of his mom, Michael and Marcie. There daughter Gabby. Then she noticed another picture. She got close to it. She picked it up and it was of her. It must have been almost 9 years old that picture. She smiled weakly at first. Then she heard his voice.

"The boys are all ready in the sleeping bags... they said there waiting for you to read to them... said you read to them almost every night" He said as he approached her. He saw her looking at the old picture of her that he had on his nightstand. His nightstand next to his clock. Purposely put there so he could see her face when he woke in the mornings.

"I can't believe you still have this picture," She said as she continued to look at it. Then she turned and looked at him.

"What did you think? I would just get rid of you and the memories?" he asked her and she was confused by his answer. She just looked at him. " What? I... I don't understand... I was someone else's wife... you still kept my picture after all these years" She asked and he put his hands on her arms. " Natalie... I don't care whose wife or what you were. That is my picture... my memories, Mine." John told her as they heard Evan call out for Natalie from the other room.

Natalie looked at John first. Into his intense Blue eye's and then she put the picture back down on the nightstand where she found it. She looked at him again. " Aren't you going to put Sweats on?" She asked and he smiled weakly. He nodded his head as she headed inside to read to the boys.

John got into the tent to see and hear her reading a book to the boys. She was laying in a sleeping bag on one end of them. Next to Evan and then he was next to Ethan. John's sleeping bag was on the other side of Ethan and he got into it as he watched her eye's look to see him. She looked back down at the book and finished it up.

"Good night buddy" She said after the book was done to Evan. She kissed his head and then leaned over to Ethan. " Sleep tight my E," She said and he smiled up at her. She kissed his forehead too. Then she looked over to John next to him. " Night " She said " Night Natalie... Night Boys" he said. He watched Natalie lay back down in her sleeping bag; curl her body up on her side facing her boys who slept on their backs. JOhn too curled his body up on his side facing the boys. He could see her eyes. She could see his. They locked. They stared.

Natalie reached her arm that was on top of her side over. She extended it over the boys. John saw her hand come over towards her boys. Over as far as it could reach and he extended his over towards it too. He took his fingers and intertwined them together with hers and they continued to stare into each other eyes deeply.


	10. Chapter 10

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**Chapter 10**

Natalie woke first. Her hand must have moved from his in the middle of the night and it was resting solely on top of Evan's sleeping bag. She sat up slowly and sighed deeply as she saw it. As she saw Ethan turned and snuggled next to JOhn. She stared as she smiled. She sat up and got out of the tent.

John started to stir and he felt Ethan up against his arms. He smiled as he pulled himself away from the still sleeping boy. He looked over to see Natalie but she was already awake and out of the tent. He carefully stepped over the two boys and got out of the tent.

John walked into the Kitchen to see her making a pot of coffee. She was moving around the Kitchen as if she owned it. As if She belonged her. He smiled and he saw her turn and see him.

"Good Morning" She said and she smiled at him.

"Good morning to you too... how did you sleep?" He asked and she moved her head back and forth.

"Alright I guess. My back hurts a bit. Not as young as I use to be" she said joking and he approached her. He walked over real close and then went to her back. He started to rub it gently. Natalie felt his hands on her back and she closed her eye's. She was enjoying his touch. Enjoying it too much. She opened her eyes and turned towards him.

"Thank you but its better now" She told him and he just stared into her eye's. Her blue morning eyes.

Natalie stood watching him. Hypnotized by his eyes. She felt him bring his arms to her waist and pull her a bit closer. She tried so desperately to get the word out. To say No but she couldn't form words. Nor comprehend. His lips came upon hers tenderly. Warmly. Urgently almost. They both parted after a few minutes and she opened her closed eyes.

"John" she said softly as she stared at him. "Natalie" he said back as he saw her trying so desperately to get out what she wanted to say.

"I... I... I'm different" Was all she said as he looked on with a confused look." I can't afford to take chances or make mistakes... or..." She said hesitantly and he took her hand. He continued to look into her face.

"Or fall back in love with a big jerk?" He asked and she smiled weakly. Natalie paused for a few minutes. She slowly walked away from him for a minute. " JOhn... I don't think I ever stopped Loving you but... but I'm different... things aren't just about me... there about those two precious boys inside. They're my life and that's all I have room for." She told him and he looked into her eye's deeper.

John heard her words. Her soft words. Not only the ones about her boys being her life. But the ones that she never stopped loving him. He wanted to smile. Jump for joy but he knew he couldn't. He knew she was telling him that she didn't want him like that. That it just couldn't be that way. He didn't want to push her. Push her for more. He would prove to her before she went back to Philly that he had changed. That he could be more to her and her boys and that he wanted to.

"I know... I know Natalie... friends?" He told her but he knew they had never just been friends... not ever.

"It's best," she said and he nodded unenthusiastically. He went over and poured them coffee. They heard the boys run in before they saw them. Natalie walked to them.

"Can we have breakfast?" Ethan asked John as he walked right passed Natalie and over to John. Natalie made a face.

"Excuse me... excuse me" she said joking, " What happened to Good morning Mom?" She asked Ethan and he smiled knowing she was joking " What about a kiss good morning too? " she said and he quietly walked over to her and kissed her good morning. " Well Good morning to you too..." She said joking and she looked up at John for a moment as she leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"Orning Mommy" Evan said as he ran over to her now, she bent down and caught him in her arms. She gave him a huge kiss on the cheek. She looked up at the boys and then at John.

"How about I take us all to Breakfast... John has done so much for us these last few days " She asked them and John smiled. He shook his head no.

"Nope... I wanna cook you guys breakfast... show your mom here I can cook now" He said towards the boys as he smiled. " Oh you can cook huh? Since when and what can you cook?" She said calling his bluff she thought. " I can make pancakes and eggs," He said. Then he continued " Does any one in here like Pancakes and eggs" He asked and both boys raised there hands " Pancakes... we like Pancakes" Ethan said and John smiled brighter and then looked at Natalie who wasn't so sure if she wanted to smile at John and his playfulness.

"Does anyone like eggs? I think I remember someone liking eggs for breakfast," He said and she couldn't help but smile at him. He was being so goofy. She shook her head. " Yep" she said reluctantly " I like eggs" She said and he smiled at her. He stared into her eyes for a few seconds and then he turned towards Ethan who started asking me a question.

"Can Evan and I help make breakfast? Please? We use to help Grandpa when he stayed with us" Ethan asked "Of course you two can... maybe you're mom would like to go shower and get dressed while we cook" He said to Ethan but looked at Natalie. He smiled. " Maybe I would, " She said smirking and she walked out of the kitchen. John's bright eye's followed her the whole way out the door.

An hour later Natalie was starting to clear the table as her boys and John were still sitting at the table. They all had a wonderful breakfast together. John was telling the boys some silly story about when he and Michael were younger and some of the trouble they use to get into together. Natalie just smiled at the stories at first but then... "John" She came close to his ear and whispered into it. " Please don't give them any idea's... I already have my handful with them," She said and he couldn't help but let out a small laugh. " No problem" He said thinking it was funny. She just looked at his smirking face and scrunched up her nose in annoyance. She continued to clean as she heard her phone ring from her pocket.

"Hello... Yes... this is her... Yes... I remember you DA Patterson... Friday at 2. Yes... I'll be there... my father in law? Not sure he'll be able to make it in such short notice. Yes, it would be fine for you to call him. Yes he can be reached at the Florida phone Number... Thank you and I'll see you at the courthouse tomorrow."

John saw her walk away some with her phone. Then he listened closely for a few minutes till she walked into the other room to take it. He saw her walk back in and she was upset again. He quickly finished up his last bit of his story. Natalie heard him finish up the story and then she looked at the boys.

"Why don't the two of you get go get your stuff together. We need to be going. John's done so much for us. He probably needs to get to work some time today." She told the boys and they made a face. " Can we just hear a few more stories?" Ethan asked and she shook her head no. " We need to go see Grandma today and John needs to go to work. Go get your stuff together" She told him and the two boys left the kitchen.

Natalie went over to the sink again and started to finish the dishes in the sink. John approached her not wanting to pry but he could see she was upset. He took his hands and grabbed the dish she was cleaning from her. " I'll do those later... what's wrong?" He asked and she looked at him. She hesitated for a moment. She just studied his eyes. " That was the DA in Philly again... Mr Patterson... They arraign Nick's killer on Friday... I need to cut my trip short and go back to Philly in the morning... need to put on a united front... show off the widow and her kids to try and get this guy." She told him and she got teary. She wasn't solely convinced if she was teary because of all of this. Because of all the pain it would bring up or... or because her trip... their trip. Hers and the boy's trip was cut short. If maybe she didn't want to leave Llanview... Leave him.

John watched her tear up as he heard her say she would be leaving tomorrow instead of in 4 days. It upset him. He thought he had more time with her... with them. To prove things. To show her. He pulled her to his chest and she went willingly. He held her there for a few minutes. Finally after a few Natalie regained herself. She pulled off of him slightly. He never let go of her completely.

"I don't think I want to go... But it's the best thing for everyone... " She said talking about leaving Llanview. He thought she was talking about the Hearing, and facing the man that killed her husband.

"I can go with you... I have a few days coming to me... I can go to the courthouse with you or watch the boys if you want. Whatever you need." He told her sincere and she smiled weakly. " Thank you but it's not necessary... I can do it myself... all alone... I've been doing great at this taking care of things alone stuff... been getting a lot of practice" She told him and she pulled away from him completely. She walked over to the kitchen door.

"Thanks for all of this... It was very nice of you... and my boys really had a great time" She said as she opened the door and went to get them in the Living room.

Ten minutes later Natalie and the Boys were leaving. They had gathered their stuff and were just saying Goodbye to John.

"Okay... we gotta go boys... Thank you's and Goodbye's," She said and they both went over to John. He squatted down to their eye level.

"Thanks John... we had so much fun..." Ethan told him and he and Evan both hugged him at the same time.

"Your welcome" JOhn said and he felt a bit emotional for a minute. He really got emotional as he heard Natalie tell them they most likely won't be seeing him before they went home to Philly.

"Say good bye boys cause we most likely won't be seeing JOhn before we go back to Philly tomorrow." She said and the bossy got sad for a minute. Natalie noticed it and she cursed herself inside for letting them get so attached to JOhn. She cursed herself inside for allowing herself to get attached to John again.

The boys said Good-bye quietly and upset. John high-fived them and then they walked over to Natalie. Natalie turned to see John stand up straight again. To see into his watery eyes. " Bye...See ya" She said softly almost a whisper as she walked out the door of his condo. John started to walk after her but stopped himself.

John knew now wasn't the time. He almost felt like his last shot with her was over. Taken away. He stared out the window that overlooked the parking lot and he watched them get into her car. He saw her wipe her face off a few times and he knew... he knew she was crying. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay. Did she want to stay with him? After all these years... he still knew the answer to that one. She did all but tell him she still loved him. He knew she did. He could tell in her eyes when he searched them. She could kid herself all she wanted and use the excuse of being friends and everything was about her boys... But he knew... he knew she loved him. And he knew he never stopped loving her not once... not ever.


	11. Chapter 11

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**Chapter **** 11**

Natalie and the Boys walked into their home. The three-hour drive from Llanview to Philly seemed like eternity to Natalie. Her emotions and her brain were scrambling in a million directions. The boys ran up to their rooms to play with their toys and Natalie took a seat on the couch. She sighed deeply as she closed her eyes. As she thought about them. John and Nick.

She thought about how much she had always loved John... how much in Love she always was with him. How he was her soul mate. The Love she had always wanted in her life. She shook her head... ' No need to rehash unpleasant memories' she told herself as she thought about Nick. She got up off the couch and went to the mantle. She picked up the picture of him that she left sitting there for the boys. His badge sitting next to it. She traced her fingers over his face in the picture and then she remembered. Remember what a great understanding person he was. How he was content that she was his and never asked for more than she could give him.

Flash Back

"Natalie... give me what you can give... I won't ask for more... I don't need more. I love you... I love the baby inside of you... My baby"

"But why... I don't understand why you would want to marry me knowing... knowing I'll always have a connection to someone else... knowing I'd always be in Love with someone else... even if I love you"

"Natalie... I'm not a greedy man... and I know I'm not your soul mate, the love of your life... you've been honest about that from the start. I know you care for me... maybe even Love me...differently..."

"Sometimes in life... sometimes our soul mate isn't the one we're meant to be with forever... to have a life with even. Sometimes the timing is just off. I won't ever hold it against you Natalie... you know me well enough to know that... Marry me... we can raise our child together and be happy"

End Flashback

Natalie opened up her eyes again. She placed the picture and the badge back on the mantle. " Guess timing is everything," she said out loud as she went back to the couch. She again sat and closed her eyes.

Flash back

"I want us to try again John... please... It'll work out this time... we can be happy. We can get pregnant again and be happy... be the family you and I always dreamed of."

"I never dreamed of having a family Natalie... that was you... No! It won't be happening"

End Flash back

"Mommy...Mommy" Evan said as Natalie opened up her teary eye's. She took him on her lap.

"Whats up Buddy?" Natalie asked as she hugged him tight. " Are we gonna see John again... he gonna come and have a camp out here" Evan asked and Natalie held on to him tight. She squeezed him tight. " No... We won't be seeing John again... its just you, me, and E for Camp outs in the living room. She said and she noted the sadness in his face.

"Hey... you wanna go to Mommy's place and get a burger? I'll even let you have some soda," She told him cheerfully. She was trying to get him into a better mood and it seems to be happening when she mentioned Soda. She laughed.

"I'll go get E" He said and she smiled as she watched him run up the stairs. Natalie turned back towards the mantle again. Looked at Nicks picture. " I'm not greedy either... Those boys are plenty for me," She said as she placed it back down.

Three days later it was Friday. Natalie put on her pants suit. She left the boys with a sitter and she walked into the courtroom. She looked across it and there sat the man. A sad substitute of a human being. She went over to Mr Patterson the DA and she spoke with him briefly as they saw the judge come from chambers. Natalie took her seat behind the Prosecutors table and watched as the lawyers explained the evidence against this criminal.

Thirty-five minutes later Natalie got a few minutes to speak her mind. She explained what was taken from her and her sons and how she wanted Justice served. She said all the right words to help clinch getting the disgust held with out bail.

After the proceedings Natalie was drained. She took a few minutes to speak with The DA again and she was told that their case was excellent. That they would see justice for her dead husband. She thanked him and knew she needed to get out of there. She left the courtroom rather quickly and started walking towards the door of the courthouse. She saw him. He was walking urgently into the building as if looking for something... someone... her. Their eye's met and he held out his arms.

Without Hesitation Natalie went into his chest. He held her to him as he smoothed back her hair. She allowed a few tears to fall and then she pulled away from him. She looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry I'm late... I should've been here sooner," He told her and she sighed softly. Weakly.

"You've got perfect timing John... perfect" She said and she reached in with her lips and gave him a soft kiss on them.


	12. Chapter 12

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**Chapter ****12 **

After the kiss John again pulled her to his chest. He held her for a few more minutes till she felt strong enough to let go. She moved off him and wiped her face dry.

"Thanks... I... I needed that," she said and he gave her weak smile " I figured you might" He said and she just stared more. She took his hand and started to silently walk out of the courthouse. Walking towards her car he finally spoke a few more words. " Are you alright? Was it that bad?" He asked but she just shook her head some and ignored his questions.

"You want to ride with me or follow me, " She asked him and he knew she meant back to her home. " I'll follow in my car," he told her and she nodded her head.

Twenty-five minutes later John pulled into her driveway behind her. He took a good look around. The neighborhood was a Suburb just off the city and it seemed nice. Quietly. Peaceful. Older homes mostly with Character. He smiled knowing that was just who she was. What she was and what she loved. Things with Character. She was old fashioned and loved older homes and that he knew.

He got out of his car and walked up the brick path to her home. Their Home. Her and her boys. She unlocked the old wood door and they walked in.

"I'm home," She said loudly as they entered the foyer. He noticed wood stairs to his right and then a step down into a big room. The Living room or some sort of Great room. A fireplace on the left with a mantel full of pictures. He silently walked over to the pictures as he saw a women come out of a door. Probably a kitchen he thought and the lady looked at him a bit funny and then proceeded to Natalie who was putting her purse in the closet.

"Hey... how'd it go?" Ann asked Natalie as she just walked passed John in the Living room. " You know... not a easy thing but Patterson thinks this is a slam dunk" She said and she smiled weakly. She walked away a bit looking for the boys.

"Where are the boys?" She asked Ann. " Oh, Brian came home from work early today... he took them to the park to fly a kite. You don't mind do you?" Ann asked and Natalie nodded no. " Nope" Natalie replied " you know he doesn't get to see them much with work and...And he was upset that he couldn't bring himself to go to the hearing today" Ann said and she nodded " Natalie" Ann asked quietly as she looked over at John looking at the boys pictures on the mantle. " Who's that?" she asked curious and Natalie gave a slight grin.

"John" Natalie said walking towards him. John walked closer to them. " Ann Harris this is John Mcbain...John Mcbain this is Ann Harris... my friend... her husband and Nick were partners for years." She introduced them and they shook "its nice to me you John... and you and Natalie are... Family... Fr--" She was starting to say when John spoke. " Involved " He said and Natalie was just as shocked as he was to his own words. " Oh..." Ann said and then she and Natalie walked away some.

"He sure is cute Nat... But why didn't you tell me there was someone... that you're involved with?" she asked and Natalie sighed. " I haven't seen him in a long time... he... he..." Natalie was about to say something else when the door flung open and the boys ran in. Brian also came in a few minutes behind them.

"Mommy... Mommy we flew a k--... John!" Evan screamed as he ran right passed his mom and over to John when he saw him.

"Hey Pal... How are you?" John said as he caught him as he almost leaped at him. Ethan too saw John and walked passed Natalie and over to him. "Excuse me.. Excuse me doesn't anyone say hello to me anymore" Natalie said joking and the boys ran over to her quickly. Hugged her and then headed over to JOhn.

Natalie heard Ann laugh but looked and saw a protective look on Brian's face as he walked in the door. Brian walked over towards John protectively.

"Brian Harris" He said and he put his hand out for the John to shake. " John Mcbain... " John said as he saw this man... this detective giving him the once over... the detectives stare. John continued with his staring too until he heard Evan. "you here for a camp out? Mommy said you wouldn't be coming to camp out with us" Evan said and John looked over to Natalie who was just watching them interact.

"Well... your mom didn't know I'd be coming" JOhn told Evan and then Ethan asked. " Did ya bring the tent?" Ethan asked and John smiled " now would I come all this way... three hours to be exact with out the tent?" John said joking and he smirked at them. " It's in the car," he said and he walked passed everyone with the boys and went to get the tent.

Both Ann and Brian approached Natalie now. " Who is he Nat? Not sure I like him very much... maybe I should have him looked up at the station" Brian said and Natalie laughed. " No need to worry Brian... Thank you but John... he's an old friend from before I met Nick and... And well he's chief of Detectives back in Llanview" She said and Brian just nodded his head. "Alright then... if you feel safe with him and your boys... then I guess I do too. " Brian said and he kissed her cheek.

"See ya Red" Brian said as he and Ann started to walk out the front door. Natalie smiled at them and said good-bye and Thanks. Ann was out the door first. Then Brian was about to leave as the boys ran in. Natalie made them say thanks and give him a hug. Brian was almost out the door this time when he and John almost collided in the doorway with the tent.

"Sure is a big tent you got there" Brian told John and he grinned. John just grinned back. " Nice meeting you Mcbain... maybe... maybe if you're still around tomorrow make her bring you with them when they come over for my surprise birthday cake. " Brian smiled and turned towards Natalie...

"Brian! You're not supposed to know!" Natalie told him also grinning. " Yeah... well did ya think the two of you could keep a secret like that from a great detective like me?" He asked, he laughed and was out the door.

"See ya," he said. John smiled and looked at Natalie. " He's one of a kind isn't he?" John told her and she chuckled " oh yeah... he's one of a kind alright" She said and John looked deeply into her eye's. " I'm gonna be around tomorrow... guess I'll just have to get use to him" JOhn said and she looked shocked for a minute. She was about to open up her mouth and say something when the boys called John to start putting the tent up.

John and the boys put the tent up in the living room as Natalie sat on the couch watching them. It took a few minutes but they got the tent up. John left the boys playing in the tent when he walked out of it and saw her on the couch. They locked eyes as he walked over and took a seat next to her.

Natalie had a lot on her mind. She wanted to know what he was doing here. What he meant by telling Ann they were involved? And she was curious about him saying he'd be around tomorrow. She turned to him with her curious face. She stared into his eyes as he faced her. She started to fidget with a pillow from the couch.

"Why...What are you doing here? Why would you tell Ann we're involved?" She asked quietly.

John heard her questions. He moved his body on the couch a little closer.

"I thought you might need me," He told her and she didn't really like that answer. Although her running into his arms and even her kissing him in the courtroom proved she needed him. She still needed him. That just wasn't the answer deep down inside that she wanted to hear. She was silent for a minute and then she heard him speak.

"The truth is... the real truth is... I wanted to be here... for you... for the boys... for me... I needed to be here," he told her and he looked into her eye's. He saw them become watery. He took her hand for a minute. He held it with his on her lap.

"I... I don't want to be away from you... I can't be away from you... seven years is too long and... And well... I guess... I've grown up some. Matured. Healed maybe. Not sure how or what exactly to call it but...I think its finally our time and I want to prove it to you, show you." He told her and she looked at him.

Natalie heard his words. She wanted to believe herself that this was there time. Maybe there timing was right. Maybe all there past wounds were healed by the time apart but she was still leery. She knew she still cared for him. Still loved him but it was a big step letting him in all the way. It wasn't just herself she had to worry about getting hurt this time. He had the capability of hurting her boys as well.

John watched the expressions run across her face. She was nervous and he knew it. She was afraid too." Natalie... I... Love you. And... I already feel an attachment to your boys... let me prove things to you... that I've changed. Let me be here for you and for them." He told her and she was about to answer him when the boys came running out of the tent.


	13. Chapter 13

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**Chapter ****13 **

"Mommy... Can we get our sleeping bags and get Pizza... like at John's?" Ethan asked and Natalie looked at John. He was still serious looking. He was still waiting for an answer even thou the boys interrupted them. She couldn't give him one yet. She wouldn't turn him away. At least not tonight. She couldn't do that to the boys now and... And she knew she needed him.

"Well... You guys can go up and get your sleeping, set them up but..." She said and she saw John hold his breath. " But no pizza... we got to go to Mommy's place, it's Friday and I gotta drop some stuff off. We can eat there or bring something back with us." She told the boys looking down at them as she stood and then she looked up at John.

"Are you coming too JOhn?" Ethan asked as he approached John. John looked at Natalie after Ethan's question.

"That's up to your mom" John said softly continuing to look at Natalie. Natalie closed her eyes briefly. She reopened them. She gave John a small smile. " Of Course John is coming... he must be starving after all his hard work on that tent" Natalie said smiling and then John smiled. Natalie scooted the boys to go get ready to go. They ran to get there jackets and John approached her after they were out of the room.

"Does that mean yes... that... I can ma--" He was telling her and she stopped his words.

"Not sure what it means... lets take it slow and maybe I'll figure things out " She told him. He walked closer to her. He pulled her by the waist. Pulled her to him. His lips came upon hers gently.

Natalie felt his hands on her hips and she knew what was next. She felt his lips, she closed her eye's and knew slow was going to be very difficult. Extremely difficult.

"I won't let you or your boys down Natalie... I won't... If I weren't such an ass... those two terrific kids would be mine... we'd share in making them and we would've been happy this whole time... I do know what I did, and how I screwed things up. And I'm not about to let anything get in my way of making this right..." He told her and she shook her head. She smiled.

"So do I have to thank you're Step dad for this sudden change... all this talk coming from you... I mean don't get me wrong... I like the changes... but I liked some of the silence too." She said smiling and laughing too. John shook his head.

"I just can't win with you... can I?" John said Joking and she laughed more.

"Honestly Natalie. I just wanted you to know without any doubt what I'm feeling... what I'm doing... and that I'm gonna be the guy you need, that they need. I just want to show you. Let me" He told and then basically asked her again.

Natalie sighed deeply as she saw her boys run in ready to go. She saw Evan run over with his sneakers in hand and John automatically took the shoes without words from his hands and started to put them on the kid. Natalie just watched him. Her heart was melting. It was mush. She teared up and then called his name.

"John" She said and he looked up from Evan s sneakers. He looked deep into her eyes.

"Show me, show us," She told him softly almost a whisper and he smiled. He finished up Evan's sneakers and he went over by her. He leaned into her ear as he smiled. " I Love you... Thank you," He told her and she smiled as chills ran down her spine with having him so near.

Ten Minutes later John sat in the passenger side of her car as she drove them towards her Bar. He couldn't keep the smile off his face. She had looked at him a few times that he had realized and she let out a small chuckle after seeing his continual smile.

John watched the road as his mind was racing a mile a minute. She was giving him a chance to make things up to her, to make things right. He sighed deeply never breaking his smile as he glanced over to her a few more times. As if checking to see if this was real. As if making sure he was really sitting next to her in a car and that they were given another chance at a life together. A chance he knew he wouldn't blow this time.

John continued to stare ahead deep in thought as he heard the giggles coming from the back seat. He grinned wider and he looked to see Ethan and Evan fooling around and laughing. He shook his head in Awe of how close these two boys were. Not just in age but in every aspect. He remembered how close he and Michael were growing up before their dad died. He remembered how it took so many years for them to become close again and how he had regretted all that time it took. He shook his head and knew he would never let that happen to his boys.

The expression on John's face changed as he realized what he had just thought. 'His boys'... Ethan and Evan. He called them his boys. They were a far way from being his boys. Although he knew he could probably never replace their real father. He did hope with some time he could be a father to them. Not just John their friend. He knew he wanted that just as much as he wanted Natalie to be in his life always.

John thought about how he wanted Natalie in his life, that he wanted her to be his wife. He realized that he probably wanted that from the first time he realized how deep their connection was. How deep he felt for her. But back then, back in the beginning, he knew what a cripple he was. An emotional cripple. He shook his head again. Sighed deeply again telling himself and knowing in his heart that, that wouldn't be the case this time. This time he would be all things to her. All things to them. Nothing would stop him nor get in his way... nothing.


	14. Chapter 14 Smut

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**Chapter ****14 **

Natalie, John, and the boys arrived at the bar within another fifteen minutes. John took a look around the parking lot as they walked into the bar. It was cute he thought. The big red sign that read Red's was lit outside and he felt a sense of pride. He was proud of her. She had really matured and changed some since she left Llanview. Some things hadn't changed with her but some things did. And for the better. He only wondered how this was all going to work out for her... for them. This living in Philly and him being in Llanview. He knew if he didn't push maybe she'd come to the conclusion to move back to Llanview. To move herself and the boys back so she could be around family. He came out of his thoughts on how to approach her about moving back when they walked inside.

"So this is it." She told him and was all smiles. She looked at him and he was grinning. " So it is..." he said and he started to walk around and he smiled more as he looked at her. " it's great. You did a great job here. It seems pretty crowded too." He told her and then he noticed she had two bouncers in the place. That concerned him a bit. He walked closer to her. To the boys.

"Two bouncers?" He questioned her" yeah... I figured your cop instincts of checking the place out would catch that one." She told him as she walked the four of them over towards the door behind the bar. She waved to the bar tender as they pasted.

"So why two?" John asked as she brought them in the back room " No big deal John... Its not the best of Neighborhoods and on the weekends it gets a bit rowdy" she told him and she saw the concern move across his face. " How rowdy Natalie?" He asked going into over protection mode. " JOhn..." she said as she went to her desk in the room. The boys found some of their small toys on the couch across from her desk and they started to play.

"I know you're just concerned John but... you don't need to be" she said just dismissing the subject. She grabbed something from her desk and then walked over to the boys. " Mommy will only be a few minutes... do you guys want to eat here or get something to take back for our camp out?" She asked Ethan and Evan... E answered. "Pizza to take back for our camp out, when you done" He told her. She looked over to JOhn.

"Is that okay with you?" She asked him and Nodded" what ever the boys want is fine," he told her and she smiled. " Okay... Do you mind staying with them for a few minutes while I take care of some business?" She asked and he nodded yes again.

"Good" She said "Ethan show JOhn how to get upstairs to the apartment and you and Evan can play for a few minutes till I'm done" she told Ethan and he took one of John's hand and Evan took the other.

"Come John... Wanna see our bedroom upstairs?" Evan asked and John smiled at him. "Of course I do Pal" He said and he smiled. He walked with the boys in the opposite direction of Natalie and he looked back at her briefly. They locked eyes as he spoke to her.

"Be careful," He told her and she shook her head "Yes sir" she said and he smiled weakly. It seemed to really be bothering him. The fact that she needed bouncers in her bar. Two bouncers to be exact. That things weren't that safe around here. A place she spent so much time in. A place she brought the boys too. Although he knew she wouldn't bring the boys to somewhere dangerous. She wouldn't take any chances with them. He still couldn't shake the uneasiness.

Natalie took care of her stuff and then they left. Picked up a Pizza. Ate it at her house and by that time it was after 9. The boys were exhausted, as they lay barely awake in their sleeping bags in the tent. They were waiting for their nightly story.

"John can you read to us?" Evan asked and John turned to Natalie as he was entering the tent. "That's fine" Nat told him as she handed him the book she had gotten to read them. John went into the tent and read them a story as Natalie went upstairs to get ready for bed.

John came out of the tent twenty minutes later just in time to see her walking down the stairs in her Pajama's. She wore a cute PJ's short set blue in color with spaghetti straps and although not the sexiest of things ever he was aroused just looking at her.

Natalie saw his face. His desire filled eyes and then she looked at the tent. The boys were lying most likely asleep in that tent. She shook her head when she smiled and took a seat on the couch. He walked over to her and sat next to her.

"Their asleep" He said and he looked into her eye's. " I figured... they were pretty exhausted" She told him and he just stared deeper into her eyes. They were silent for a few minutes when John spoke. He had so much to say. To ask about.

"We have stuff to talk about... about if you're gonna come back to Llanview... or if I'm staying here in Philly... I don't think I can be away from you again," He told her and she got closer to him on the couch. She looked into his eyes. " That can all wait," she told him as she leaned into his mouth and kissed him deeply.

They broke apart after a few minutes and then she stood to her feet. She looked into his eyes as she took his hand and guided him up towards her. She walked them to the intercom box on the wall. She turned it on and then she walked them towards a door off the living room.

She opened the door to what must have been a guest bedroom. She again went over to an intercom box on the wall and turned it on. Then she turned to him. She stared so deep into his eye's as she felt his hands come around her back and pull her near. Without any words he pulled his mouth upon hers and starting to devour it.

Natalie stood on her tip toes, reaching up to deepen their lingering kiss as she felt his hands move from her back down to the bottom of her shirt. He pulled his lips off hers as he took a small step back. He looked into her eyes and pulled her shirt up and over her head exposing her bare chest. John's eyes never wavered from hers, as he knew she wore no bra under her pajama top but he still never looked away, or lost eye contact. He just studied her eyes. He memorized them.

Natalie looked back into his beautiful blue eyes, she brought her hand up to his face, as she stood topless in front of him. She caressed his face with her hand for a moment. Just holding it in place feeling his warm skin up against the soft skin of her hand. Just the contact with his face, he dept of his gaze into her eyes. It made her start to breathe heavy, become greedy for him, to feel more of him.

Natalie brought her hand down slowly to the buttons on his shirt. Starting with the top button she opened it carefully. Staring at the next button she undid that one, and then the next and the next till they were all undone. Until his shirt hung open in front. She pulled the part of his shirt that was still in his pants out and then reached for his button fly as she reverted her eyes to his. She started on the zipper the minute he fly was undone. She pushed her hand into the sides of his pants and pushed them to the floor.

JOhn couldn't take being so close to her. Having her undress him and not touching her. He pulled her closer as he felt her hands start to push his boxers down his legs to meet his pants at his ankles. He held her back up against him and his chest as he started to kiss her neck. As he started softly at first trail kisses down her neck. He felt her hand come upon him. His penis and his pulse raced. And so did his actions.

What started out slow became quick. Urgent. John needed her. He needed to prove to her how much he loved her and always loved her. He kissed her neck down towards the middle of her breasts. Purposely avoiding all contact with her breast and especially her nipple. He followed a line down to her belly button and then he went a bit lower before he stopped.

John felt her gasp in anticipation as he stopped just as bit lower from her belly button. He looked up at her. He gave her a sexy smile and laugh when he saw her eyes closed waiting for his next move.

"What are you laughing at?" She said barely a whisper as she choked getting the words out. She had reopened her eyes when she felt him stop on her.

"Nothing" he said just as softly as he pushed her a few feet backwards towards the bed behind her. He pushed her back on it and then stood at the foot of it. Just hovering over her he looked into her eyes as she lay on the bed. He pulled her shorty bottoms off revealing exactly what he already knew. No panties. She never wore any to bed.

Natalie felt him pull the remainder of her clothing off. She continued to look at him as she saw him get down on his knees by the end of the bed. She felt him gently pulled her legs towards the bottom of the bed more and then she took a deep breath as she felt him start to lick the inside of her thigh. Natalie opened her legs wider. Her self wider for him as his mouth came upon her already moist center.

John's mouth clung onto her flesh. Her very sensitive flesh as he started to get carried away with himself. As his tongue started to dart out and lick her clit causing her hands to try and reach down to touch his head but her arms were to short.

Natalie wanted to touch him. Some part of him. His hair. His head. Something but she couldn't reach him. He was driving her crazy with his tongue on her and she was starting to become desperate to feel his body. She pulled herself up almost to a sit position . She reached her arms out and touched his arms that rested just outside her legs. He looked up at her and then grinned. He silently pushed her back down with his hand as it came upon her breast in the process.

John's tongue was enjoying her unique taste. His hand was now squeezing at her nipple as he felt her arch her body up some. As he felt her start to tremble around his actions. He felt her holding back and he stopped briefly.

"Don't... Don't hold back," He told her and he went back to his actions on her center. This time he didn't ease up as he felt her start to give in to it. He tightened his grip on her breast, teasing her hardened nipple as he saw her felt her arch her back up more. Even more as he felt her release on his tongue. He continued his actions for a few more minutes till he felt her body stop squeezing him. He guided her hips down gently and he moved up on her body slowly.

Natalie still had her eyes closed as she felt all the release. Every pleasurable part of it. She felt his body move up on hers. Grazing her body as he did. She smiled with eyes closed till she opened them and he was face-to-face with her. Just staring at her and he saw her smile. He smiled too. He started to kiss her deeply as he started to enter her with himself. He was continuing to deepen the kiss when he felt her tighten up before he got in. She was shutting herself down. Closing her self off when he heard her words.

"No... No JOhn... we can't," she said and he didn't realize she said anything till he felt her body tense. He slowly moved off of her, over to the side of her.

"I...I... I'm sorry... I thought you wanted this," he told her and she looked at him with a bit teary eyes.

"I do... I want you... to make love to you but... but... " She told him as he laid on his arms next to her staring at her.

"But what Natalie... what?"

"But... It's been awhile for me... I...I'm not anything any more and... and well I don't suppose you brought any protection?" She told him and then questioned.

"What? You mean" He said and she nodded yes. " Natalie" he said softly as he started to kiss her arms gently that sat next to him.

"Make Love to me Natalie... anything that happens... it happens... it'll be meant to be" He told her and she looked at him a bit in shock.

"JOhn... I... will..." Natalie was tongue-tied trying to get the words out. Her concern.

"Trust me Natalie... believe that I'm different... if it happens it will be a blessing and I'd never leave you under any circumstances. I love you too much." He told her and she looked into his eye's. She believed him. He had changed. She could see it in his attitude with things. In his voice, his tone. Even the way he was with her son's. She shook her head. She wouldn't be wasting anymore time. She grabbed for his shoulders. She showed him so wanted him on top of her.

John went willing when she tried to guide his body up on hers. He started to kiss her urgently for a minute and then took his mouth on a journey down to her breast as he left one hand up near her face. Up on her cheek as he felt her arch her back up when she felt his tongue on her nipple. For only a few minutes his tongued teased her nipples as he heard her words.

"I Love you John...Now... please" She pleaded with him a bit and he pulled himself up on her body more. He was again face to face with her as he pushed himself inside her. He continued to push himself inside deeply as he felt her walls start to adapt to him and his hardness. He stopped all actions, as did she for a minute. He brought his hands up to her already sweaty face. He pushed her hair away from her eyes and then he started to move himself inside her as he stared into her blue eyes.

John watched the deepened shade of blue come over her eye's as he quickened his pace. As he felt her start to release again. As he felt his own release near, so very near.

Natalie watched him as she started. He too was starting to release at the same time. She smiled briefly as she let it all go. Seven years of missing him. A few years of heart ache before that. In one moment. In this moment as he looked into her eyes and released with her. She knew... She knew her wounds were healed. Time had healed them and given them back to each other.

John felt her body start to come down from their release. His body was feeling the slow aftermath and finally after a few minutes of just staying inside her. Just enjoying the unity of still being attached he pulled himself out of her and rolled off and onto the bed next to her.


	15. Chapter 15

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**Chapter ****15 **

John snuggled next to Natalie in bed for a few hours when he felt her get up.

"Hey, where are you going?" He asked as she started to put her PJ's on.

Natalie noted he looked a bit concerned, serious. She smiled at him.

"No where, just for some water and maybe we should relocate to the couch. If the boys get up they'll wanna know why we didn't sleep in the tent with them." Natalie told him and he smiled. He started to sit up. Natalie watched him as his naked body moved to find his clothes.

John saw her watching him and smirking devilishly. He stopped trying to find his clothes and he walked over to her. He smiled at her before he leaned in with his lips.

He leaned them in close as if to kiss her. As if to devour her mouth when he saw her eye's close. He didn't kiss her. Instead he lifted the shirt she just put back on over her head. He threw it to the floor. He saw her open her eyes upon his actions. She was still smiling as she saw him reach for her bottoms. She brought her hands on top of his as he guided them off her.

Natalie was naked again and she didn't waste anytime. She pushed him towards the bed behind him and fell on his body as he pulled her with him.

Clutching her hair in his fists he started to claim her mouth again as his own. Within a few minutes they were heated and making love again.

An hour later after again making love and snuggling they both decided to go inside and wait for the boys to get up. They both lay at different ends of the couch. Natalie was unsure of how to act in front of the boys. How cozy she and Johns should be. How close they should get in front of them.

They lay on the couch oppostie ends as there legs touch some. They faced each other and the room was still and silent for a few minutes.

"What are we going to do?" John asked her and confused her a bit

"What do you mean?" She asked him and he brought his body closer to her slightly and his hand caressed her face. She brought her hand on top of his and held it on her face.

"About this... about you and the boys here in Philly and me back in Llanview... do you think maybe you'll want to come back" He asked her softly not pushing her but he wanted this out on the open without any surprises.

"JOhn... my life is here now... the boys... there life. I can't just pick them up and move them," She told him. " Why not Natalie?" John just asked her frankly. He saw her start to think deeply about it. " I just... I just... well... I don't think I'm ready to go back. I love it here, the boys love it here"

John saw this wasn't going to be getting him anywhere. He didn't want to ruin tonight for them. It was perfect making love for the first time in all this time.

"Alright... then I think I'll be taking that time I have saved up at work. As long as nothing major is going on their Bo should let me take it." He told her and she removed her hand from his. She sat back on the couch some and looked at him.

"I don't want you to change things for me and my boys... not do something you love, you live for work. " She told him and he moved completely forward this time. He was so close to her, his lips. His face.

"I love you... I want to live for you... for your boys... not work anymore... I'm going to be where you are," He told her and he leaned in and kissed her.

"I'm not going anywhere... not now...not ever... remember?" he said as they parted kissing and then she leaned in this time and kissed him. A few seconds later they heard a small morning voice.

"Mommy?" Ethan said in a questioning tone having seen them kissing. Natalie and JOhn broke apart quickly as they heard Ethan's voice.

"Why are you kissing John?" Ethan asked and caught Natalie off guard. JOhn smiled at Natalie's slight awareness and embarrassment too.

"We were kissing cause we care about each other... that's what people do when they care about each other... love each other" JOhn told Ethan sweetly. Natalie smiled. Ethan seemed to buy it. The five year old just nodded his head okay and walked into the kitchen.

"I guess he wants breakfast," Natalie told JOhn as they just watched a silent Ethan walk into the kitchen. They smiled at each other. " Good thinking Mcbain... telling him the truth" Natalie told him shaking her head and chuckling as she too walked into the kitchen behind Ethan.

The four of them spent an amazing day together. They went out to the park, had lunch. It was now nearing 7 and they were just walking up to Brian and Ann's front door when John took a look a good look around the street. It was packed with parked cars. Some Philly departmental ones too.

" I guess I was wrong when I thought this was a small birthday party" John said feeling a bit uneasy. Natalie saw his concern or was it worry? She asked herself.

"Actually... this is small" She said and she smiled " there's probably only half the Philly Police department in there. The other half has to protect the streets. They'll be by later. I'm sure," She said and he looked at her. She opened the door just letting them into the noisy, crowed party and again John's face went serious.

John was about to say something when Natalie spoke to him. " The Philly PD is very close knit... especially the detectives" She said and before he could get a word out a few loud men walked over towards them.

"Hey Red... was wondering when you'd be getting here" Dean told Natalie with a smile as he kissed her cheek. Then Dean went down eye level to the boys. " Damn! You guys are getting so big... and Handsome almost didn't recognize you guys" Dean told them and then he put out his hand for the boys to slap him five and the boys did. They laughed and then the other man with Dean cleared his throat motioning his head towards john.

Natalie saw the motion Charlie gave towards JOhn and she knew it was coming and she wasn't sure how to stop it.

John watched as these two men, detectives greeted Natalie very warmly. Too warmly for his liking. They even made the boys smile which annoyed him just as much. Then he saw them motioning towards him and he knew it was going to be a case of them being over protective. Just like Brian yesterday.

"Hey E... Ann just put out some cookies in the kitchen... how about you take your little brother and go get some" Dean asked towards the boys. Natalie looked at Dean and knew it was best to just get this shit over with. These guys acted like she was there little sister most of the time. Since Nick died it was as if the whole fucking department tried to watch out for her and her boys. To take care of them. She nodded for the boys that it was alright to go. She watched as Dean and Charlie walked closer to john. Staring at him to try and intimidate him.

"So... Who's the guy Beautiful?" Charlie asked this time as the three men stood sizing up each other. Dean however started to walk around John very slowly just examining things, him. Who the hell were these guys to be acting and giving him the third degree. He was about to open up his own mouth and tell them when he heard a voice that seemed somewhat familiar.

"Mcbain! What the hell are you doing here? How the hell are ya?" Frank said as he loudly approached the group of them. Frank went right over and John smiled at seeing a familiar face. He shook John's hand as he saw the tension between the other detectives.

"Nat... You look good as usual" Frank said saying Hello to Natalie and then he turned to the now quiet Dean and Charlie.

"Lay off... McBain's alright... we go way back to the AC department" Frank told them but they didn't stop with the stares, just not yet. " I said he's alright... cool it" Frank said and they looked at him. " We can't he's with Nicky's wife and his boys... gotta make sure he's on the up and up" Dean told him and Frank got in his face a bit.

"You'd think I'd want someone messing with Nicky's wife... you'd think I would just let someone be hanging around her and his boys if I didn't think it was safe." Frank told them, dean just backed down his stares. " Now you're testing my judgment? Me... The one that pulls you out of all your shit all the time" Frank told Charlie who was still glaring at John and then to Frank for a minute.

Charlie backed down. " Good" Frank said " now let my introduce you to one bad ass detective from AC, and lets... I said Lets talk like humans not over protective animals" Frank told Dean and Charlie. Natalie excused herself to go look for the boys. John was introduced to the men. The four of them gathered round for a while just talking.

After about an hour or so JOhn excused himself to go find Natalie. He walked thru the crowded Living room and Saw her walking with Brian. Holding Brian up actually. Brian seemed to be drunk and He was holding on to her tight.

"Hey... whats going on?" John asked as he approached them and didn't like the look on Nat's face. She looked upset and he was pretty sure he knew it wasn't just because of Brian being drunk.

"Mmmmmmmmmmcccccccccccccccccccccc... Mc... what ever your name is" Brian said as she stuttered. He started coming off Nat's arms and walked over closer to John. He almost fell he was so drunk.

"If Nicky were here you... you...wouldn't have a chance with his wife... If... if Nicky didn't do... what he had to... for her... for...for them..." Brian said getting tongue tied and now teary... Dean and Charlie walked over to Brian as he heard his words to John. More towards Nat.

"He... Nicky... He was to... good... to good for all... he was... hand...ed... He..." Brian could barely get the words out. JOhn just stopped and observed, as Dean and Charlie seemed to want to shut a Drunk Brian up quickly.

"Brian... we're gonna take you inside to lay down... come on" Dean said as he and Charlie led him inside. Brian however needed to say more. He tried turning his body to look at Nat. Dean and Charlie wouldn't let go of him completely.

"Re... Red... He did it for you... It was always... about you... about E... The baby he... didn't see, He j--" Brian was saying and Charlie quickly cut him off. " She knows Bri... She knows... we all know" Charlie told him and they walked him into the other room.

John heard the words that Brian spoke. The somewhat weird things he said. He shook his head. They were a bit confusing. Something about the words and the attitude and what he was telling Natalie didn't add up. He looked to see her face. She got even closer to him and she went into his arms. She was shaken up. Upset. Very upset.

"Wanna go home?" He asked her as he smoothed the top of her hair back. He continued to hold her, as she didn't say a word. Finally after a few minutes she pulled off his chest. She looked at him. Into his eye's. She nodded her head.

"Yeah... I wanna leave," She told him. He took her hand. They went to find the boys. Said quick Goodbye and left.

An hour later after they all arrived home JOhn had carried a sleeping Evan up to his bed. Ethan was still somewhat awake so he walked to his room and got dressed for bed.

Natalie was taking care of trying to get Evan into his Pajama's as JOhn walked into Ethan's room.

John saw the boy get under his covers and John knocked on the open door.

"Can I come in?" JOhn asked and Ethan looked at him and nodded. JOhn took a seat down next to Ethan in bed. He fixed his covers up his sides and then smiled at the boy.

"Are you to tired for a book?" John asked and knew the boy was. " Very tired" Ethan said and his eye's started to flutter close.

Natalie came from Evan's room right next to Ethan's. She was going to go in to kiss him goodnight when she stopped in her tracks. She saw john leaning in kissing her boy on his forehead. She heard John say something...

"Night Kid" JOhn said as he got up off the bed. He stared at the boy and said his next words... the ones that made Natalie tear up. "I already Love you" JOhn said towards a sleeping Ethan as he turned and saw her standing by the open door. Their eye's locked for a minute till they both heard Ethan say something in his sleep.

"I love you too John" Ethan said clear talking out in his sleep state. JOhn quickly looked back at the boy at his words. Then he turned to Natalie with a watery eye's. He looked into her eyes and she seemed to be shedding some of her water.


End file.
